The MoonRuled
by Madhumalati
Summary: The first two seasons of CCS, told from a certain Moon Guardian's viewpoint. The behind the scenes story of what REALLY happened. TYY, implied CY. Read and review!
1. Wake up, Yue

_**The Moon-Ruled**_

Notes: detailed spoilers for seasons 1 and 2 and hints of spoilers for season 3 as well. TYY, implied CY. Lines that are quoted are either from my memory or from a translation of the Japanese that I got off the net. I believe that both are accurate, but criticism on this count will be well-received. Please note that I do NOT know Japanese, and be kind.

_The following pages have been transcribed and edited from conversations with Yue, the Moon Guardian of the Clow Cards and the Judgment Maker. _

_No rights have been infringed in the publishing of this work and it has been undertaken with the full permission of all individuals involved._

(A/N: snicker snicker)

**_Chapter one: Wake up, Yue……_**

_**Ruling Card: Time**_

_Wake up, Yue. _

That voice. Clow's voice. I didn't know how it could be. He had sealed me away in the book along with Kerberos and the Cards.

_Wake up, Yue._

He was dead. Surely he was dead by now. So how could I hear his voice?

_It's time. _

My eyes opened.

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The first thing I saw was a ceiling. It took me a few seconds to realize that it was a ceiling, because my eyesight was strangely blurry. My last memory before the void was of crying, of being sealed as Clow smiled that smile of his, but sadder, and told me _someday, you will understand why I must do this_.

But it wasn't tears that blurred my vision, and it wasn't sleep-fatigue that was piercing my forehead. I put my hand up to my brow, and found……..glasses?

I slipped them on, hesitating. Apparently, they were what I needed, because the ceiling suddenly came into sharp focus.

But that was ridiculous. I had always had perfect eyesight. And even if I hadn't, I could have fixed it, or Clow would ha–

Clow.

I forced the tears back. I was not going to cry.

There was a mirror on the wall. I sat up – I was on a bed – and looked in it from across the room. The face I saw was not my own.

I scrambled off the bed and ran to the mirror, my hands running feverishly over my face. It felt like my face always did, and the actual features were still the same – cheeks, jaw, nose, the shape of the face, but I looked different.

My hair was gone, a familiar weight lost. My long white tresses had been replaced by silvery-gray hair that barely brushed my neck. My eyes had turned warm amber, and the cat-slit pupils I was used to seeing were missing. Human eyes. I looked completely human. My wings were gone, and I could not summon them back. For the first time I could remember, their comforting presence did not enclose me.

I screamed then, loudly and for longer than I had imagined I could without passing out from loss of air. This had to be some weird nightmare, some prank Clow was playing on me, or maybe Dream was in a bad mood again.

But there was no waking up, not from this.

_Yue._

It was his voice again. I debated whether to listen and decided to.

_This is your false form. The one you used sometimes when you wanted to leave the manor. We designed him together, remember?_ And I did. I had almost forgotten that. The shock of being unsealed, I supposed, although I wondered if perhaps…he had wanted me to forget?

_Sleep again, Yue. Sleep and remember._

I struggled madly against my suddenly drooping eyelids, though I welcomed not seeing that alien amber in the mirror. I would not be sealed again. Even if it meant my death, I was _not_ going back into that thrice-damned book.

_You're not going to be sealed again, Yue._ A hint of impatience. _I want to tell you some things, and it's harder when you're awake._

I stifled a teary grimace at that. How hard must it be to speak when you're dead? And this time, when the sleep came over me, I did not resist.

A torrent of information flooded into me. The first was a name. Tsukishiro Yukito. Snow bunny. Well, dying hadn't affected Clow's sense of humour much. Tomoeda. High school, and what was that for? A Moon Guardian didn't need to go to high school. Friends. Many acquaintances, one close friend. Kinomoto Touya. Yukito had known him for two years. Grandparents – they didn't really exist, but Clow had implanted memories in Yukito's mind, and the minds of any visitors. He hadn't tried to do that to this Kinomoto, though. I wondered why. Interests: history club, drama club, soccer, archery. So, at least I'd get to use my skills somewhere. Kinomoto Sakura. An image of a small girl, very pretty, with large green eyes and short brown hair. Kinomoto Fujitaka, archaeologist. He seemed strangely familiar. How to create new memories. Landmarks, routines, survival skills for the time and place, etiquette, everything that Tsukishiro Yukito knew filtered quickly through my mind. I simply absorbed the data. It could be analysed later.

Clow being Clow, he waited until the end to drop the bomb in my lap – Kinomoto Sakura would open the Book of Clow a few days from now, and the Cards would escape. I snorted at that. Putting an idiot like Kero in charge of the Book's seal was bound to have consequences. So that was why I had been awakened. She would be appointed Cardcaptor, and I was to observe and conduct the Final Judgment.

Well, well. An eleven-year-old girl trying to capture and seal fifty-two powerful magical creations. This wasn't going to take very long, was it?****

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The next time I opened my eyes, my body was cycling down a street – one I recognised from the images I had been shown as being the way to school. I wasn't controlling it. It was an eerie feeling to feel and watch myself move and not be in control at all. Regaining some control, I pushed myself back, into a shell of magic, until I no longer felt what Yukito was doing. Instead, I was just an observer in the back of his mind.

My false form lifted his arm and waved cheerily at a tall dark figure dressed in an identical uniform. The other boy was waiting, one leg already slung over the bar of his bicycle, the other on the ground. I recognised him from Yukito's memories as his friend, Kinomoto something………

He turned and waved back, though there was no possible way he could know Yukito was behind him. When I saw his eyes, I understood why Clow had not attempted to feed memories into this boy. He radiated a powerful aura of magic. The way it turned inwards on itself made me suspect that his talent lay in clairvoyance or foretelling rather than traditional magic. His aura was as physical as it was psychic, lending him a natural magnetism. He knew it, too. There was an innate confidence and grace in the way he stood, the poise of an athlete. His dark hair fell untidily into midnight eyes that were unsettling and wise and deep and too many other things to grasp or describe easily. Yet another mark of those with the Sight.

Those piercing dark eyes were fixed on m-Yukito now, and his brow creased briefly as he looked right through the mask of his friend. Could he see me?

'Yuki?' he said, looking slightly puzzled. And suspicious.

'What's the matter, To-ya?' a light voice said cheerfully. It took me a moment to realise that it was Yukito's. It didn't sound much like me. 'You look like you've seen a ghost!'

Or a Moon Guardian? I huddled away from that gaze, willing him not to see me. He looked into Yukito's eyes for another second before he relaxed ever so slightly and shook his head, his expression clearing.

'Did you see something?' Yukito asked. There was a certain emphasis on the word 'see' that implied that my false form knew about this Touya's magic. But he had no sensitivity of his own. How could he……… 'Am I being haunted or something?'

'Oh, no, nothing like that,' the other boy replied, a brief grin flickering across his mouth, though he cast my false form another sharp look. 'I knew telling you about all this would have this effect.'

Oh, so that was why. Wait, he was a medium too? That took powerful magic.

'So what are you waiting for?' he called over his shoulder, and Yukito started before he rode after him, catching up quickly.

'Touuyaaa!' a younger voice said pleadingly, and though Touya didn't reply, he slowed fractionally. My false form glanced down, and I saw that Kinomoto Sakura had joined us.

She was a little thing, what most would call cute, all big green eyes and chirpiness. She was on roller blades (Yukito's words) and the sheeplike adoring glance she cast towards my false form was enough to make me groan.

Great. One sibling's a seer, the other's got a crush on me. I tried to find out what Yukito thought of her, but only met a blank wall. Apparently, I was only privy to his memories, not his feelings. That was certainly strange, but I didn't ponder on it too long.

I spent the day simply watching through Yukito's eyes, trying to understand this time I had woken to. I paid attention to his classes. Yukito was intelligent, judging by the grades his homework had been given, but his attention wandered, and he flipped through his books idly. I took the opportunity to control him subtly and scanned through the material, gathering essential information. I could feel Touya's eyes on me, burning a hole in my false form's back. It wasn't very comfortable.

After school, Yukito went to a drama club. Apparently his class was scheduled to perform a play that term. Touya was there as well, though he seemed to have dismissed his suspicions. After that, they went to Touya's house, and I watched with dignified disdain as my false form polished off a pile of food half the size of Reed Manor with no apparent effort before saying goodnight and returning to his own house.

The next few days followed an identical pattern. School, one club or another, then to the Kinomotos' house. Yukito practically lived there, from what I could tell. Short of bathing and sleeping, he seemed to regard their house as his, and the easy way he moved around their kitchen, cooking and washing with Touya, told me this was not a recent development. Sakura would hang around, sighing with pleasure every time my false form paid any attention to her. It was dreadfully embarrassing; I had no idea how Yukito put up with it.

The relationship between Yukito and Touya puzzled me, and after a week I was no closer to understanding them. Touya was a loner, the top of his class and highly involved in social activities – but he rarely talked to anyone, and his fellow students seemed to sense that he wanted to be left alone. Yukito was far more approachable, in fact, he was very popular, but he managed to say nothing very cleverly and leave them all feeling as if they were special to him. The only one he ever really talked to was Touya, and the other boy knew it.

The only exception Yukito made was Sakura. He cared for her deeply, that was obvious. I could see why. The little girl was a real charmer. He usually tossed her a candy or two every morning, and when I was close enough to the surface I could feel the smile that he always gave her.

Once, when Touya opened the library door to pick up a book, I caught the magical signature of the Book. A surge of emotion went through me, and it was too strong to repress entirely. Some of it must have translated to my false form, because Sakura asked him blushingly if something was wrong.

He shook his head and made some quiet remark that I didn't catch.

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Two days after that, Yukito was at archery practice. He was quite skilled at archery, and I couldn't help but wonder if he drew it from me subconsciously. Touya was sitting on a bench nearby, writing some homework.

I felt it clearly when Sakura opened the Book. The sudden feel of expanding exploding magic jolted me, and by extension, Yukito. The arrow he was prepared to release went wild, nearly stabbing the teacher. He shouted something angrily and I could hear my false form responding, apologising, but I didn't care. Every thread of magic in me was straining towards that glowing beacon of magic that had erupted a few streets away. Touya was standing, eyes closed. He had dropped the book, and I could feel him doing the same thing I was as he zeroed in on Sakura's location.

The irony did not escape me. I was tracking the Cards, he was tracking his sister, and though the two were directly related, he didn't know that all the answers he was looking for were within the mask of his best friend.

The magic was dissipating already as the Cards shot off to parts unknown. I knew they wouldn't go too far. They were, after all, bound to the key. Apparently Sakura's distress was abating as well, because Touya relaxed and sat down again, dusting his book off. Yukito must have noticed his hands were shaking slightly, because he finished soon after. Touya didn't complain when my false form made some excuse about going home early; he just nodded and rode off home, setting a punishing pace that was quite unlike him. Yukito watched him for a second before he turned away as well.

My eyes were fixed in that direction – towards the house, towards the Book – for much longer than that.

When Yukito reached his house, he went to the kitchen, made himself some snacks – read that to mean a gigantic quantity of food – and worked for a while before he fell asleep. I waited patiently for night to fall before sending out my silent call to those I knew were waiting.

They arrived soon after, a psychic presence that I knew as well as my own. My eyes opened when I felt them, and I knew without looking in the mirror that they were icy blue and slit. I also knew who was standing before me.

'Windy. Mirror.'

'Yue.'


	2. Stretching my wings

Ah, forgot to put this in……

If I said I owned Yue and Touya and Yukito, would anybody here believe me? No? Oh, well. I guess it's a good thing I don't, hmm?

_**Chapter two: Stretching my wings**_

_**Ruling Card: Return **_

I watched the two Cards watch me, taking in my human form. They weren't really here, of course; only their……spirits, so to speak. All the moon-ruled Cards shared that empathy with me. I could talk to them at any time, wherever they were, and them to me.

'Yue,' Mirror said a second after Windy, her soft mind-voice a welcome thing. Ever the shy one, Mirror. She had 'chosen' me right after she had been created, sticking to me like a limpet. Maybe it was because I was the first being she had seen. Even Clow had had to coax her to speak with gentle care. It had taken months before she would do more than hide behind my robes, giggle shyly and imitate others' words.

'Are you well?' I asked gently. She smiled in agreement. Mirror was special to me; no matter how we behaved in front of others, we had a special bond that went beyond the other Cards', even those ruled by the moon. The only other who came close was Windy, who stepped up to me and laid a delighted, delicate touch on my cheek.

'Yue,' she said again in her whispery windlike mind-voice. 'It is good to see you like this again. But what is this strange form you bear?'

Self-consciously, I fingered my clothing, ran my hands through my short gray hair. 'A false form. My true form is too strange for this place. Did you both escape the book? Have you found a safe hiding-place?'

Mirror nodded again, but Windy shook her head. 'I was held by the Cardcaptor, and thus could not escape.' She looked thoughtful for a second. 'Is it true, then, that Clow has gone from us forever?' My thoughts must have shown on my face, for she dropped her hand immediately, shocked. 'Oh, Yue. I am truly sorry for you.'

'It doesn't matter,' I said, averting my eyes. 'Were any of the other Cards held by the Cardcaptor?'

'None,' she replied immediately. 'Wood and Rain are still in her house, but they have not been discovered yet. Keroberos has not detected their presence, and the Cardcaptor is still unfamiliar with the feel of a Clow Card.'

'I'm not surprised. He's barely capable of finding a book in a library.'

Mirror giggled. I knelt down and held my arms out to her and she ran into them. I hugged her tightly, and she wrapped her arms around me in return. I had missed her. I had missed them all. Windy came up to us and threaded her fingers through my hair, and I pulled her into the hug as well. The need for contact was not normal for me, but I didn't care. Two hundred years and more without any physical touch would affect anyone.

After a few seconds, I regained myself and stood, drawing the identity of the Guardian about me like the cloak I no longer wore. Mirror clung to my leg.

'I presume you're here on behalf of all the moon-ruled Cards?' I addressed Windy. She and Watery, as the elementals, were usually the ones who spoke for the moon-ruled. Fiery and Earthy performed a similar function for the sun-ruled Cards. 'So would your sisters have spoken to Keroberos yet?'

A shadow passed over Windy's face. 'Yes, I represent the moon-ruled. We couldn't all come; there would be too much power about and those with magic would notice. Yue, there is a problem. The Sun Guardian has openly declared support for the Cardcaptor. He was only required to elect her, not to aid her in captures or inform her about the nature of different Cards.'

'He did what?' I said, surprised.

Clow's terms had been clear.

_The Guardian of the Book will appoint the person who opens the book the Cardcaptor if he or she should have the magical power necessary to perform such a task. The elected candidate must capture the Cards without assistance from either of the Guardians, and the candidate may not know the identity of the Judgment Maker until the last Card is captured and signed. Should the Cardcaptor fail to capture all the Cards and fail to turn any of them to transfer allegiance to him or her, the Judgment will be of defeat. Should they be unable to defeat the Judgment Maker, the candidate will have lost and the Cards will be freed again until another Cardcaptor is appointed._

Keroberos rarely went against Clow's instructions, for all his whining, complaining, wheedling and temper tantrums. That had been my job.

Windy nodded, her robes rustling. 'He told her about Fly. She captured it a few hours ago. I am worried by this. Some of my sisters are not as………rationally driven as I am. I fear that some of the sun-ruled Cards may bear real hostility to the Cardcaptor due to their anger at Keroberos.'

'Then that will be a proper test of her abilities,' I said indifferently. I had no emotions towards the Cardcaptor, and that was as it should be. Only when all the Cards were sealed could I make a decision.

'She is not a bad child, this new Cardcaptor,' Windy mused. 'She was terrified, the entire time she was chasing Fly, but she didn't back down. Well, not much. She has power, and stubbornness, and a good heart. With time and training she might be……'

'Were you going to end that sentence with "better than Clow," Windy?' I asked with ice in my voice.

'With all due respect, Yue, the endings of my sentences are my business, not yours. Reserve your judgements for the Cardcaptor.'

I smiled briefly at my closest friend. 'It's good to talk to you, Windy,' I said fondly.

'And you, Yue,' she said. 'If you will excuse me, I must return to my Card form. Any longer and even Keroberos will become suspicious.' She dipped her head at me formally, her long hair floating about her, and then dissolved as she returned her mind to her Card.

'Yu?' Mirror said, looking up at me. I softened at the pet name. 'Slee'ere?'

'Use full sentences, you little brat,' I said with no real sting to my tone.

'May I sleep here tonight, Yu?'

'Oh, all right,' I said in mock annoyance as I settled back onto the bed. It was an old routine of ours. 'Just go away before my false form wakes up, all right? I don't want him to know just yet.'

She nodded happily and snuggled under the covers with me. Her long green hair tickled my nose.

'I don't want to be sealed,' she said quietly.

'Being captured isn't like being sealed.'

'I'll have to go back into the book, right?'

'Well, unless the Cardcaptor wants you for something, yes you will.'

'I don't like the book, Yu. It's cold and dark.'

'I don't like it in there either,' I confessed truthfully.

'But if the Cardcaptor loses the Final Judgment……'

I had no answer.

It wasn't until the next morning that I realised that Windy hadn't answered my question.

And so began our rift.

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When Yukito woke up, Mirror was thankfully gone. He didn't seem to notice anything out of the ordinary, though the entire feel of the house screamed that magic had been there. He dressed and hummed and ate – heavens, how he ate – before leaving for school as usual. I sighed and settled in for a long, boring day.

That night, Shadow came to me to inform me that he had been captured. Shadow was one of the Cards who couldn't speak, so he had brought Windy along for interpretation. How _she_ understood him was beyond me. Must be one of those messenger Card benefits. Occasionally, Clow surprised even himself.

I was startled by the news. Three Cards in two days, the girl was doing much better than I had expected.

Of course, she had Keroberos' help, and though the brat was forgetful, lazy, food-obsessed and irritating he was the Sun Guardian, and once he got his head out of the nearest plate of food he was quite knowledgeable about the Cards. His, at least. I snorted – I had always made efforts to talk to the sun-ruled Cards, but he had rarely bothered to talk to mine. I sighed. The Cards were scattered now; they did not dare contact me except one or two at a time. The sun-ruled were mutinying against Keroberos, and the moon-ruled were waiting for me to take sides on the issue. Well, they could wait until the Final Judgment. Just because the brat was taking sides and discarding his objectivity didn't mean that I was going to do the same.

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A few days later. 'These pancakes look delicious!' Yukito exclaimed. Food-obsessed, I said to myself.

'Oh, it's nothing,' Sakura said.

'Yeah, really,' Touya contributed as he munched. He shot Yukito an amused look over her fuming head. I could feel my false form smile – I was too close to the surface. I retreated immediately. There was no point in being found out at this stage.

'You can have some pancakes if you want,' Sakura said to Yukito. I watched her closely from behind his eyes. She seemed just the same as before. There was no change in her eyes, no power lust or arrogance. This girl was an interesting creature.

'Didn't you buy these with your allowance?' Yukito said.

She blushed and said it didn't matter before offering to bring it up later. Yukito and Touya moved to his room to study.

'So have you heard what the class play is this year?' Touya said, giving Yukito one of his unreadable looks as he leaned against the wall, hands tucked behind his head.

'Yeah, I heard. They're doing Cinderella, but all the male parts are going to be played by women and vice versa. I truly pity the poor idiot who's going to play Cinderella.'

'Yeah, that party dress they stitched for 'her' has about fifty frills.' I frowned within Yukito, feeling Sakura coming up the stairs. She was carrying something. Instinctively, I opened the door, just in time to take the tray from Sakura.

'How did you know I was here?' she said, puzzled.

'I just knew you were there,' Yukito said. There was a flare of bewilderment from the false form. It was the first time I had felt any emotion from him. It was as strong as my own. I could hear his thought clearly. _How _did _I know?_ Hastily, I convinced his impressionable mind that he had heard footsteps, though there had been nothing of the sort. He relaxed and shut the door, turning around only to see Touya looking at him intensely. No, I corrected. He was looking for me. I buried myself deep.

'I'm starting to wonder which one of us is the psychic,' Touya grumbled, and I was relieved.

So, Cinderella, hmm?

Wait. There was a faint magical signature on him. Watery! Why had he been touching Watery?

'So what really happened at the aquarium today?' Yukito said, and I sighed gratefully. 'Everybody's talking about it.'

'Oh, nothing,' Touya shrugged. 'I saved a penguin from drowning in some freak accident and suddenly I'm some sort of hero for it.'

Well, he certainly had courage if he could take on Watery, knowing what she was. To survive was even more impressive. She had one of the worst tempers in the deck.

'Oh?' Yukito said lightly, and the conversation moved on to other topics.

I was lost in thought. Why had Watery shown herself? What was she intending?

Windy visited me that night. We sat up late, talking quietly. By unspoken agreement, we stayed away from Clow. And Sakura. It was comforting, and I felt better than I ever had since waking up.

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The next day, we wound up in the aquarium again, my false form, Sakura and I. Yukito led her straight to where I could sense Watery, and I wondered once again whether he was sensitive to magic at all, or whether he functioned on pure instinct.

I could feel Watery manipulating magic and was amazed that neither Sakura nor Touya reacted to it. The tank cracked and then broke, and water and Watery surged out, wrapping around Sakura's leg and trapping her under the water. I could go hours without breathing, and Watery wouldn't touch me unless I gave her permission. At no personal threat, I watched to see what my false form would do.

To my surprise, he acted quickly and decisively, chopping a door down to let some water drain away. Sakura's head came up out of the water, and she choked and gasped.

'Are you all right?' Touya demanded as he cradled Sakura protectively. Yukito didn't respond. Instead, he made some inane comment about shaved ice.

'Shaved…...ice……' Sakura said thoughtfully, and I winced. Without intending to, Yukito had told her the only way to defeat Watery.

Sure enough, two nights later Watery came to visit. The water Card was much less formal than Windy, but we weren't nearly as close. Strange, that.

'Yue,' she acknowledged, as they all did, plonking herself down on my bed. Except for Song and Voice, who could copy other people's voices, she had the most beautiful voice of the Cards, soothing and gentle, startlingly unlike her short-tempered, loud and brassy temperament. 'So, you pick sides yet in this upcoming rumpus?'

'Rumpus?' I said, considering the unfamiliar word. The little mental dictionary I had copied from Yukito's brain told me that it meant brawl, fracas or fight.

Oh.

'I don't see any rumpus,' I said.

'Oh, there'll be one, all right,' she chuckled. 'Fiery's about ready to deep-fry the m-Cardcaptor, and Snow's mad as hell too.'

Hmm. Snow was a moon-ruled Card, but Fiery was sun-ruled. And I had picked up on the change of word. 'So they're angry with Keroberos, then, just as Windy said?'

'Angry would be an understatement.' Watery crossed her legs and leaned back, looking at me sideways. 'They're royally ticked.'

'Where are you picking up all this slang?' I asked, amused.

'The kids at the aquarium, Tomoeda's water supply, the pond, random people's bathrooms. I've been doing a lot of learning. I'm not exactly dumb, unlike _some _people,' she added pointedly to Mirror, who was cuddled up with me as usual. The Card spent almost every night with me. Mirror contented herself with turning into a copy of Watery and sticking out her tongue. 'So?'

'So what?'

'Are you with the Cardcaptor or against her?'

'Neither, Watery. I am the Judgment Maker, after all. If I picked sides, I would be violating the terms of my instructions from Clow.'

'Hah. This objectivity of yours, it'll only last as long as you don't have any personal stake in the matter.' She shot me a piercing look.

'She'll be my mistress as much as yours,' I retorted.

'That's not personal, Yue,' she said indulgently before she stood up. 'You'll know it when it happens to you.'

'Waaterryy,' Mirror complained. 'You wetted the bed!'

'At this late age?' I said, playing off the Card's unintentional pun. Watery glowered at both of us for a second before she streaked off.

'Yu?' Mirror said, back in her original form. I made a noise of enquiry. 'The Cardcaptor's brother is cute, isn't he?'

Having no idea where she was going, I spluttered mentally for a second. The oblivious Card rescued me. 'I think he looks just fine.'

'It's just his power,' I said. 'You're moon-ruled, you're bound to be attracted to inward-directed magic, just like the sun-ruled like outward magic. Now go to sleep, brat.'

She obeyed, and I lay back, relishing the quiet and the warmth of the Card next to me. I waited for the other Cards to come if they wanted, but they weren't in the mood, it seemed. Several had arrived for a few brief seconds, just to tell me that they were all right (and though none mentioned it, I knew they were worried for me too). Time, and Dash, and Illusion. Maze had dragged Through with it to translate – most of the earlier Cards couldn't talk. Create, Fly, Return, Sword, Fight, Freeze, Erase, Libra, Storm, Twin, Cloud, Rain, Wood, Dark, Silent, Dream. By the end of the second week, all of them had reported to me. I had no idea where they were, but I could feel faint pinpricks of their presence in my mind and that reassured me. I wrapped an arm around Mirror – hopefully Yukito would think she was a pillow or something – and closed my eyes.


	3. That which is lost

Disclaimer: How do I NOT own thee? Let me count the ways……

_**Chapter three: That which is lost.**_

**_Ruling Card: Silent_**

I noticed over the weeks that Yukito seemed to sense Sakura just as easily as I could. It was odd, the way he seemed instinctively to where she was. He could do the same with Touya, but it didn't have the same reliability. If he was just walking without purpose, his steps would stray and he would turn corners and cross streets almost blindly until he came to where she was.

At the moment, he was drawing close to her in Penguin Park. I wasn't really paying attention to what was happening until I felt a flare-up of magical power. One of the Cards, one of mine. And then Yukito looked up. There was a scream, and then he saw Sakura falling. In true hero fashion he caught her.

Later, Touya came to take her home.

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'Yuki.'

'Hmm?' my false form said, looking up into Touya's dark eyes.

'I saw my mother again.' His eyes were fixed firmly on the football field, empty now that everyone else had left.

'But just yesterday, you said……'

'I know. I saw her this morning. She said she was worried about Sakura.'

'Yeah. Falling over a cliff _is_ rather worrying.'

Touya frowned. 'You know, I'm not entirely sure that's what she was talking about.'

I tensed. He had turned to face Yukito, and he had the Look again.

'What do you think she was talking about then?' Yukito sounded slightly uncomfortable. It was good to know I wasn't the only one.

Touya peered into Yukito's eyes for another second, seeking me out. Then, 'Forget it. I'll tell you…when I'm sure.'

A companionable silence fell for a while. It was one of the few days when Touya didn't have any part-time jobs, and he was in the mood to relax.

'So,' Yukito said lightly in a tone that I had come to realise was Trouble. Capitalised T. 'Does Sakura know what you're going to be doing in the school festival?'

Touya let his head fall into his hands. 'I can't believe I'm doing this,' he mumbled. He looked up and fixed Yukito with the kind of glare that was capable of sending the rest of the football team into hysterical obedience. My false form was as unaffected by it as a battleship by a buoy. 'You did it somehow; manipulated me into being Cinderella. I'm sure of it.'

'Now, now, you were right there when it happened. All I did was hold the box. The teacher picked your name out.'

'I saw you shaking it, Yuki. You did something.'

'That's just your paranoia at work. Besides, playing a girl can't be all that bad.'

'You're one to talk, O Magic Can of Mackerel.' Touya shook his head. 'How you conned the teacher into putting _that_ in I'll never know. You're quite the evil genius.'

He certainly was. Touya was right; My false form had, by some sleight of hand I was unsure even I could duplicate, engineered things so that the name their teacher picked out was Touya's. He had relaxed slightly after that, to his downfall, as his name had been picked for the fairy godmother's; still, some skilful maneuvering had turned a girly middle-aged woman into (of all things) a can of mackerel that had gained magic over the years. I speculated briefly if there was some sort of moral in that, maybe about not wasting things that might be useful, but thinking about it too much hurt even my vast intelligence.

Honestly, where _did_ he get these ideas?

'To-ya, I'm afraid I'm not half as all-powerful as you seem to think I am.' I couldn't see, but I could imagine the cherubic innocence with which he must have spoken it – and the contradictorily evil glint in the eyes that I could catch if I looked just so in his glasses.

'Are you quite sure of that, Yuki?' he asked in a peculiar tone, and I wondered.

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'Hey! What the hell are you doing to my little sister!'

There goes the elder brother, I thought.

A boy was fighting with Sakura in the schoolyard, on the other side of the fence that separated the two sections. The fence that Touya had just vaulted, in fierce defense of Sakura. My false form was right. He really did have a sister complex.

It looked like a fairly normal push-and-pull affair, though Sakura was being typically spineless. Then I noticed that the boy looked terribly like some of Clow's Chinese relations, he had a strong magical aura, he was carrying the compass designed to locate Clow Cards, and what he was hunting in her skirt pocket was definitely not her lunch money.

It looked like a fight was about to begin. The boy had taken a martial arts stance and was obviously prepared to take on Touya, who was about twice his height and weight. I was impressed. He was either a fool or very, very confident.

Just then, Yukito arrived, using his peacekeeping skills (the skills Keroberos insisted had gone to him. How he could be delusional enough to think that was beyond me.) to diffuse the situation. Some aimless chatter about nikuman and curry bread was enough to throw the boy completely off-balance. Then the moon attraction kicked in. I could see it clearly – the first extension of the magical aura, and then the horrendously noticeable blush that spread across his face before he ran away, in such a tearing hurry to leave that he tripped and fell a few times.

That moon attraction. It was the bane of my life. It was slightly embarrassing, like having everyone drool over an arm while ignoring the rest of the body. Sakura and now this boy, not to mention all the people I had met while Cl……in my previous life. It seemed Touya was the only magical person I had ever met who was exempt from it. Perversely, this irritated me, and I wondered how he was able to keep his composure considering the intense attraction most people had towards my power.

I am a moon creature. I have every right to be crabby, moody and illogical. Ask any mage you know.

Later, when Windy came to report that Thunder had been captured by the boy I had met that day, I discovered that the boy was in fact a Li, a distant descendant of Clow's.

I really didn't like the Lis. They were uncivilised, ignorant, hide-bound, traditionalist, elitist idiots. Then again, they were slightly better than Clow's English relatives, who thought that Clow's magical research was some sort of historical cataloguing. Clow's obvious relish of their misconception didn't really raise my opinion of them much. I much preferred Clow's colleagues (and his few friends) to his relations. It was one of the few things Keroberos and I agreed on.

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Night, as usual. Mirror was curled up in my bed in her child form, fast asleep as usual, her hands wrapped tightly around my hair. It hurt a lot more in my false form than it had in my true form. There was very little hair now, after all.

'Missing your hair, are you, Yue?' Windy said knowingly as I winced when Mirror pulled. I disentangled myself from her and sat up.

'Why I allow her to do that I'll never know.'

'You're a big softie, is why,' Watery supplied from the other side of the bed. 'She's got you wrapped around her little finger and she knows it, too.'

Windy giggled. Mirror snuffled. I groaned. 'You girls push me around too much.'

'The angel's Angels,' Watery grinned as if she'd just said something hilarious.

'Eh?' Windy and I said simultaneously, puzzled.

'No exposure to pop culture at all. You're such old-fashioned boring middle-aged people, honestly, it's a wonder why I hang out with you.'

Windy rolled her eyes, used to Watery's antics. 'So what are you going to do about this Li?' she said.

'There doesn't seem much to do,' I said, frowning slightly. 'They're competing for the Clow Cards; it looks a fairly even match, so what it boils down to is which of them has more power – and which knows to use it better.'

'But Clow didn't account for two Cardcaptors, did he?'

'No. At least, he didn't mention it to me.'

'Soooo?' Watery said. Mirror made a complaining sound, and Watery flicked a finger at her, sprinkling water on her face.

'Waaateryyyy!'

'Let them compete,' I said. 'The one who is stronger will triumph. That is natural law, after all.'

'It was definitely a mistake to let you read Darwin.'

'I don't recall asking you permission, Windy. Besides, there's not much else to do except read,' I said coolly.

'That's……a terrible pun, Yue,' Watery said, giggling madly. 'And it's way too much information, if you ask me.'

I flushed as the other meaning dawned on me. 'I meant in the book.'

'I suppose we should be glad that Clow left us a way to understand the world around us,' Windy noted. 'Those of us who actually bother to read _literature_, that is,' she added pointedly.

'Superficial and proud, sister mine,' Watery said and winked.

Windy huffed. 'Well, while Watery indulges in perverted thought……what about the Final Judgment? Will you test them together, or separately?'

'Separately, I would imagine. The Li first, and then Sakura.'

'What if they both win?'

'You should be more worried about both of them losing.'

'But if one loses, you'd regain their Cards and be even more powerful.'

'That's Sakura's problem. I know I can finish the Li.'

'There's some powerful emotion there,' Watery said. 'Why _do_ you hate the Lis so much?'

'None of your business,' I said. The memory of a few choice remarks made by one of them regarding my humanity, intelligence and position in Clow's household still lingered.

'Hm,' Windy said thoughtfully. She'd had to restrain me forcibly that evening until that unfortunate guest left (with some not-so-delicate persuasion from Fight and Watery, under Clow's command). Clearly, she remembered as well.

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Sword, Flower and Shield were captured without much intervention from the Li. He was bitten by that idiot Keroberos during the Sword capture – Yukito turned up soon after. I was somewhat amused by that. Keroberos' opinion hadn't changed either, I could see. His rivalry with Touya was continuing merrily; he'd even tried to set him on fire once. I could see he had inherited the Li sweetness of disposition and courtesy to all.

When Time went to the Li boy, I was rather surprised. Time was difficult to capture, and this boy, who had barely enough power to do the job, had taken the Card without any real resistance. In fact, now that I thought about it, all the Cards were falling too easily to the Cardcaptors. I mentioned this to Windy, and she hmmed and said she'd look into it; maybe some of the sun-ruled Cards knew something she didn't.

'You said that the sun-ruled were angry with Keroberos. What's happening there?'

'Full-fledged rebellion,' Windy said dryly. 'Most of them want to tie Keroberos to a tree and leave him sweetless for a month.'

Only someone who knew the Sun Guardian would truly understand the severity of that punishment. 'And the others?'

'Want to slow-roast him over a bed of coals.'

'I see. He's still going against Clow's orders then?'

'As far as I can see, yes. Although the Li boy still seems to remember more than he does.'

'Only to be expected,' I sniffed. 'Keroberos has a memory that's only slightly worse than a goldfish.'

'I think there's more to it than most of us are seeing,' Windy said softly. 'Keroberos asked me to tell you to meet him in the dream plane if you could.'

'Keroberos told you?' I said too loudly. 'Wait. He knows you come to see me?'

'He's not that stupid either, Yue. He's known from the beginning. Keeping you up to date is part of my job, you know. He's the Guardian of the book; I can't exactly leave without his noticing.'

'Oh,' I said, slightly deflated. 'I'll meet him there. Eventually. When I can.'

Power was captured the day after that conversation, but I wasn't really bothered. The sun-ruled were Keroberos' business.

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The day of the school festival dawned. Yukito was manning a booth that sold drinks (I was not surprised). The Li boy turned up early and devoured a sizable quantity of drinks while feasting his eyes. He was going to get indigestion later.

Well, that attraction was working in my favour for once.

Sakura and Tomoyo, that camera girl, arrived, and Yukito took them around the festival. He came to a game where they were giving stuffed toys away as prizes to anyone who could beat five members of the basketball team to score. The captain didn't look terribly happy when Yukito stepped up and paid the hundred yen. I wondered idly if he really was good enough to make five players who were taller than he was this nervous.

He was. He was faster and had better reflexes than the others. Nonhuman reflexes, obviously. Clow hadn't said Dash was moon-ruled for nothing, and while Yukito didn't have the power I had, he still inhabited something that was partially my body.

He picked up his prize, a pink stuffed rabbit (he had this unwholesome fascination for his namesakes, I had noticed quickly) and gave it to Sakura. Then he turned and offered another two coins to the captain – for the camera girl and the Li, I presumed.

The second time, it happened.

The connection between my mind, my body and Yukito's mind and his body was always closed unless I wanted to take over, and I didn't have nearly enough power to do that yet. But suddenly, I could feel the connection open and an alien presence – Yukito? – pry into my life-force. I retreated quickly, repelling the presence. Yukito played the game out, but he was feeling a little disturbed by that.

Wait. How did I know what he was feeling?

Then I realised. Somehow, my false form's mind had decided it needed more power and drawn it from the nearest available source – me. It was exactly what I did with the moon – and the power difference between me and Yukito was about the same. He was trying subconsciously to gain some strength, some focus. That was how I could sense what he was feeling.

The third time, it happened again. This time, I was ready, and instead of retreating, I fed him a fraction of my energy. The presence subsided, satisfied, and the momentary, weak connection faded. I couldn't feel my false form anymore.

I was deeply disturbed by this. A normal false form was used for two purposes: to provide a human-looking body for a nonhuman creature, or to create a 'cover' for periods of dormancy like the one I had been brought out of. They had no real independent personality and unless the true form was in full control of the body, they couldn't use magic either.

Yukito had just done both.

Procedure was clear on this matter. A false form that was behaving abnormally for any reason could be reabsorbed by the true form. It wasn't too difficult. I would have to recreate the physical body from scratch, of course; still the only differences between me and Yukito were eye colour, hair colour and the wings, which I could make disappear if I wanted anyway. It would leave me very drained, but there was more than enough power in me to accomplish the task. A full moon and certain rites and I would be quite safe.

It wasn't the science of the matter that troubled me. It was the ethics.

Was Yukito really just a false form? I hadn't used my false form for too long periods of time before; short journeys with Clow or the occasional visit from his family or friends. But Yukito had been – alive – for two years now. He had memories of his own, that I had not touched; friends; school; in short, a life.

At what point did it stop being reabsorbing of a malfunctioning part and become………

Murder?

The differences were easy to spot. Yue and Yukito. The Moon Guardian and the high-school boy; the magical creation and the (in most ways) normal human. I was reclusive, passive, secretive; he was open and friendly and cheerful; not to mention his atrocious taste in clothing, which was as unlike mine as it was possible to get. There were similarities, too. A love of manipulation, a quick wit; fierce loyalty; a passion for knowledge; archery; we were both moon-ruled as well. I spent the rest of the day and most of the night attacking the matter from various angles, and was no closer to any kind of resolution to the problem. I barely even noticed Mist being captured, or Yukito's dance with Sakura – I registered those events a while after they occurred. There were too many points of view to decide whether he was like me (and therefore a properly functioning false form) or not. It was too difficult to tell.

……as difficult as it would be, I realised slowly, to prove that any two people were the same person or not.

There was the answer.

I couldn't hurt Yukito. Not anymore. All I could do was watch – which was all I seemed to be doing at the time – and wait to see what he would do next.

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The next few weeks were rather quiet. Float was captured and Sakura's class went on a school trip and found Erase. I relished the lack of news, taking the time to observe Yukito's actions more closely than I had before. The more I saw, the more I was convinced that what I had decided the night after the school festival was correct.

Windy kept pushing me to talk to Keroberos, and I agreed after some hesitation. I was reluctant to meet him, for reasons I couldn't clearly state. The fact that he got on my nerves was only part of it. I wasn't worried about giving away my identity – he tended to categorise people within three seconds and close his eyes to new evidence, and he had summed Yukito up as Touya'sfriendcluelessnotaproblem and paid little attention to him since.

It was simply that, in many ways, meeting Keroberos would simply drive home the fact that Clow really was d-gone.

The last two centuries I had spent alone, in a void so deep and black that I couldn't even see myself, hear my own voice. The only thing that had kept me from thinking I was dead was the occasional psychic touch from my Cards as they confirmed their presence to me and to each other. Being sealed had felt like dying. I had asked Watery about that once, and she had given me a blank stare and said it hadn't been painful at all.

I'd had two centuries to heal, true. Being unsealed had brought some of the pain back, rather like a scab falling off. I would just have to give it time. So much feeling took time to subside into memory. But I had time.

Time was about the only thing I could depend upon.

A/N: Thanks to everyone who waited for the next update, and to the three reviewers I have had so far. Review, please; I really want to know what you think. Feel free to criticise as well – but have legitimate points to make if you do. The next update will be quite soon, and I have managed to retrieve most of the later chapters.

Niru


	4. Unfond Reunions

A/N: Dedicated to YamiTenshi14 for the sweet review of the last chapter.

_**Chapter four: Unfond Reunions **_

_**Ruling Card: Mirror**_

'Keroberos!' I called in the dream plane. The place was one that Clow had originally created so that he could use Dream effectively, a niche of magical energy that was sealed from the rest of the world. The Cards, Keroberos and I used it more as a meeting-place when we were physically separated. It used enough magic to be sensed for quite a distance, which was why I'd stayed away from it after being unsealed; I couldn't let Keroberos know who I was, especially now that he was helping Sakura. He'd seen the false form I used before, of course, but he had no way of knowing that I was still using the same one. I could be anyone, after all. Male, female, old or young. If he was in the dream, too, he wouldn't know where I was; at least I didn't think he would. Keroberos' magic had always been less subtle, less intricate than mine, relying on brute strength rather than refined technique to accomplish a task.

'Kero_beros_!'

Several times after being unsealed, I had been told that Keroberos was breaking the rules by giving Sakura vital information about the Cards. If this was true, I needed to find out why.

That was the only reason I was here. It wasn't as if I was willing to be around him more often than I absolutely had to. I folded my arms across my chest, one foot tapping impatiently.

'I know you're there. If you don't come out right now, I'm going back.'

'All right, all right, jeez,' Keroberos complained, becoming visible. 'You'd think two centuries would do something about that temper of yours, but you haven't changed a bit, have you?'

'Neither have you,' I said smoothly. 'Unfortunately.'

He snorted. 'Grouchy, irritable jerk.'

'Superficial food-obsessed plushie,' I retorted instinctively before remembering that I was here for a purpose and getting into a catfight (pun intended) with him wasn't on the agenda. I cleared my throat. 'So I heard about your helping Sakura with the captures.'

Keroberos looked defensive. 'What about it?'

I raised an eyebrow. 'So it's true? You're actually going against the rules.' I shook my head in disbelief, and my hair slapped gently against my cheek and neck. 'You never disobeyed Clow before.'

Contrary to what I had expected, the Sun Guardian's temper didn't flare up. Instead, he looked serious, almost…………grave? I nearly choked at the idea. 'Yue, don't you think everything's coming together too pat?'

'What is that supposed to mean?'

'You know and I know how powerful the Cards are, and how intelligent – well, some of them, anyway.'

'Yes. Mine.'

He ignored that loftily and continued. 'Time, Erase, Power, Thunder – they're really powerful cards. But Sakura was able to capture them quite easily. And the Li brat's got a couple too.' Keroberos grimaced. 'He's a smart one. Still, the Cards are falling too easily; and they seem to be appearing one at a time – what's with that? And I can't sense where the Cards are unless they're really close or using magic.'

I sniffed. _I _could sense them, and I was in a human form. Keroberos was just careless. Or……had Clow Seen that he would break the rules, and restricted his false form's powers?

Sometimes I really hated that about him.

'I think Clow bound the Cards' powers somehow, made them weaker than they usually are.'

'Why would he do that?'

'I've been thinking.' I did choke this time. Keroberos glowered at me. 'Maybe Clow Saw that Sakura's the Cardcaptor, and he's making things easier for her so that she can capture the Cards quickly.'

'And this is why you're helping her?' I said, running a frustrated hand through my hair. 'Keroberos, if Clow had wanted Sakura to be the next Cardmistress, then why in the name of all things good would he have told you not to interfere!' I was aware that my voice was perilously close to a shout. Keroberos looked comically surprised. 'I don't know. He laid the rules a long time ago, maybe he didn't know–'

'This is Clow we're talking about,' I interrupted rudely.

'I suppose……' He looked downcast for a second before his stubborn expression returned. 'But I don't care, you know.'

'Hmm?' I said.

He looked up defiantly. 'I said I don't care. I'm supporting Sakura in this. Yue, do you even realise what being the elector is? What it really _means_?'

I folded my arms over my chest again. 'Enlighten me.'

'Appointing the candidate means that I'm loyal to that candidate,' Keroberos said softly. 'As fully loyal to her as I was to Clow. Mind you, I wasn't that sure about her at first either. But I'm the one with the telepathy, Yue; I know that child's heart. With Clow, I never got to choose my loyalty. I'm not saying I felt bad about it,' he added when he saw my dark expression. 'I loved him as much as you did, Yue, in my own way. But Sakura – she's my mistress by my own choosing. If she loses to you in the Final Judgment, that can't be helped; that's beyond my control. I'll forget her and that will be that. But until then, I'm hers.' I was as stunned by the extremity of the statement as I was by the finality with which he said it.

'But Clow said–'

'I don't think Clow expected this,' he said thoughtfully. Keroberos was never thoughtful. 'My loyalty, that is. I think he made me to fulfill my duties too well.'

'That makes twice in two minutes you've questioned Clow's knowledge,' I pointed out.

'Yeah, so what?' his chin tilted up. He was being quite defensive. Could it be that he wasn't as sure of what he was saying as he sounded?

'You're questioning Clow. You, who know better than anyone except me the breadth and depth of his power.'

'That's right, I am. I don't have to justify myself to you, Yue.'

'Well, that certainly explains something,' I huffed.

'Yeah, what?' Keroberos said, immediately falling into the trap.

'Why your Cards are mad at you, Kero,' I mocked. I realised my mistake immediately, but Keroberos was too busy puffing up with indignation to notice.

The fight got underway immediately after that. Around the ninth or tenth embarrassing anecdote/insult, it degenerated into scuffling. Nearly twenty minutes later, we were hoarse, panting and severely rumpled. At least we hadn't started flinging magic at each other this time. I sat weakly on the ground and Keroberos slumped next to me, his fur hot against my side.

'I really missed fighting with you,' he said quietly. 'Even Power misses you.'

'Hmm,' I said. I wasn't going to admit to anything.

Silence fell. 'Yue,' he mumbled. I made a sound of reluctant enquiry.

'How are you?'

It was quite typical of us, I mused, that the pleasantries came after the conversation. 'Okay.'

Keroberos snorted. 'With all that angsting in the book, I wasn't quite sure what to expect.'

'Angsting, eh?' I wondered whether to start the fight up again. 'Shows how much you know, idiot.'

He didn't react to the insult, which meant he was serious. 'I remember you being sealed, Yue. That sort of pain doesn't go away easy.'

I made another noise, this one of dismissal.

'If there's anything you want to talk about……'

It was a genuine offer, and I was pleased even if I knew neither of us expected me to take him up on it. We had always had different confidantes – I had Windy and Dream and Keroberos preferred to talk to Clow on the rare occasions that his impulsive mind couldn't come up with an answer in a second.

'Thanks,' I said quietly. 'I'll see you later.'

'You mean after the Judgment.'

'Yes,' I said quietly. I couldn't risk my identity being exposed any more than this. Even Keroberos would notice if I was around him much longer; now that Yukito was beginning to draw my energy, I would not be able to hide as easily as I had earlier.

He stood up and gave me his leonine version of a grin. 'Well, seeya around, Yue. Don't trip over your hair and break your neck by mistake.'

'You're just jealous because you're balding,' I retorted.

He stuck his tongue out at me and vanished.

Nice to know he was still slow at banter.

I turned around resignedly. 'All right, Dream, out. Now.'

The Card appeared immediately, pouting slightly at being found out. 'Yue.'

Dream was the oddest Card Clow had made. Dream looked androgynous – and oddly like me. She had been created in order to help Clow focus his visions of the future. There had been some unexpected side effects to that, however; Dream was a creature who lived as much in the future as she did in the present, and unless she focused intensely she could start responding to a later conversation.

'I won't ask if you were listening.'

'That's probably just as well, yes.'

I snorted. 'As long as this doesn't get out among the rest of the Cards, I guess I don't really mind.' Not that I was worried about that. Dream was one of the most reclusive beings I had met, human or other. 'So what did you think?'

Dream shrugged. 'He meant what he was saying.'

'Did you See something?' I probed. 'About Keroberos? Did you know he would do this?'

Dream looked uncomfortable; it was hard to know with half her face hidden. 'You know I won't talk about other people's dreams, Yue. But I can tell you this much – Clow didn't expect this.'

'Have you Seen anything else lately? After being unsealed?'

Dream nodded. 'A dream about Sakura.'

'You came to tell me this, didn't you?' I said with a flash of insight. She nodded again. 'What is it?'

'A woman. With long red hair. She has a strong aura of the moon. Not as strong as you, but enough to capture Clow Cards.'

'Not another one,' I groaned.

'My thoughts exactly. Be careful, Yue. This one, she's dangerous.'

'I will,' I said.

'Not physical danger,' Dream cautioned. 'It's your heart you need to guard.'

Puzzled, I agreed. Dream clasped my forearm for a second before disappearing, and I followed suit.

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Now that I was noticing such things, I was beginning to see that in some ways Yukito was very like me. My favourite thinking spot had always been the roof; apparently Yukito shared that preference, because he was up on the roof, thinking and scribbling absently in his notebook from time to time. I didn't read what he was writing; that would have been impolite.

His head snapped up and I sensed Sakura's aura. It was almost creepy the way he knew exactly when he was close to her. He almost needed to be near her. It was unsettling. I shivered slightly.

Sakura was on a shopping trip, and Yukito invited her in for some tea. They set off for her home after that.

As Yukito, Touya and Sakura made dinner, she chatted aimlessly about some festival that she wanted to go to. Touya insisted on accompanying her. When Sakura disappeared to talk to that camera girl, Touya and I waited for the inevitable teasing. Yukito didn't disappoint.

'Festivals have lots of people, and it's dangerous late at night, so you're worried.'

Touya made an inarticulate sound of annoyance and grudging admission.

'You're so kind, To-ya.'

'Shut up,' Touya growled without any real heat. Sakura came back in.

'Do you know where it is?'

'Yes, I believe it was the Tsukimine Shrine.'

There was a flare of distress from Touya's aura like none I had ever felt from the secretive psychic, and the knife he had been using was buried in the chopping block. Yukito and I looked over at him at the same time, concerned. He made some excuse, but nobody believed him.

Interesting.

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Yukito had asked Touya once why he hated the Li boy so much. The psychic had replied curtly that he was going to take something he had no business going after. I had thought he was referring to the Cards at the time, and been alarmed; I was fast coming to the conclusion that Touya had been talking about something else; Touya was less than pleased at how much the brat was hanging around his sister.

Inevitably, the Li brat turned up at the festival. Inevitably, he and Touya locked glares before (even more inevitably) engaging in fierce combat-er, competition for the prize, a stuffed rabbit. Yukito cheerfully led Sakura away from them to the riverside. I could hear the amusement in his voice, and for the first time I wished I could see his face instead of only hearing him or, at the most, see a flash of warm amber or a pale smooth cheek in the reflection of his glasses.

They found Glow in the dark there, though neither of them realised it. The gentle Card, one of Clow's earliest, whistled a subtle greeting to me; Glow was sun-ruled, but we liked each other. I sent my warmth back to it, a whisper of magic so light no one else could have sensed it. I could feel a moon-ruled Card close to where I was, near a large tree. Return, perhaps, or Dash. It felt like one or the other.

Sakura blushed and stumbled and stuttered, and I realised with dread and dismay that she was going to confess to Yukito. He was calm, collected. This was obviously a conversation he had planned.

But was he going to reject her or accept her?

I waited, as anxious as Sakura to see what would happen next.

But the moment never came. Touya and the Li boy burst out of the bushes, each bearing the spoils of their victory. The Li handed Yukito his bunny, blushing and wordless and I sighed. Touya shoved his at Sakura, staring stonily ahead of him. I could see how his aura reached out to Yukito's, though; could see the minute flicker in his body as he changed angles to give it to Sakura, and the well-hidden disappointment in his eyes.

Was the otherwise perceptive Yukito that oblivious? Apparently he was.

As Yukito walked away with the others, I felt a small flare of magic. So Sakura had captured Glow. I was sure Keroberos hadn't told her, but that capture was a milestone for her. Glow had no magic aura to speak of; for someone to capture it, they had to care for all the Cards, not just want their power. The Li boy, for instance, hadn't even noticed it was there. Sakura had just proved her motives to me.

She was now one step closer to winning the Final Judgment.

After the summer festival, Sakura took three moon-ruled Cards in rapid succession – Fight, Loop, Sleep. She also sealed Move and Little, both Keroberos'. Between her and Li, nearly half the Cards had been captured.

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Yukito had begun to draw power from me more easily, although I knew he didn't know of my existence. Whenever he concentrated, he channeled a delicate flow of moon energy from me. At the moment, he was using it to cut Touya's hair. It was a skill I didn't have, and I wondered where he had learnt it. Hoping neither of them would notice, I pushed forward carefully, trying to see whether I could gain any insight into this new bond I had with Yukito. He didn't react, but there was a strange feeling of doubling, of dislocation; I could feel his/my hands running skilfully through Touya's silky dark hair. A peaceful feeling of focus was all I could feel from Yukito. I could only guess at what he was feeling from me, if anything. He began to cut, and I could feel my fingers moving as he did. I was deeply disoriented. Were they my fingers or Yukito's that were cutting Touya's hair? Was I only feeling what Yukito's fingers were feeling? Bemused, caught in a sort of warp where I could not act, only be acted upon, I felt myself drawing closer to some thin veil that I could sense but not feel.

This close to the surface, I could see Touya's aura. It wrapped around him like aurorae, colours blending and crackling. Unlike my aura, which extended outwards to find power, his aura curled inwards, sourcing itself within his mind instead of external forces like the magic Sakura or I used. As my hand brushed against his hair again and again, the scissors snipping with perfect precision, his power spanned the distance from his hair to my fingertips in sharp prickles like static. His aura was questioning, seeking, but it was not invasive; wanting to know only as much as I wished to tell it. The overall effect was oddly trusting, and it was even gentler than the emotions Yukito was feeling.

A part of me recognised that I was too close, that I was _touching_ him, that _I _was touching _him_ and there was no way he wouldn't know after this because he was smart and he had enough power to recognise me and it was too dangerous to do this any longer, and it was trying desperately to rouse me. The rest was drowning under the soothing cooling influence of the moon power that Yukito was drawing into himself through me; sinking into the peace that Yukito was feeling and into the pleasure he took both in doing his job perfectly and in the feeling of Touya's hair between his fingers. _There are forty thousand nerve endings in each finger,_ I thought dazedly. _Times five is two hundred thousand nerve endings in one hand which makes four hundred thousand in both hands' fingers_.

Touya drew in a long breath. 'Yuki……' he said slowly.

'Hmmm?' Yukito said. Or was it me?

'Just now, you……I felt something……' I tensed. I was too close. I came to my senses and jerked backwards, deep into Yukito.

Luckily, Sakura came in the next moment, and Touya didn't mention it again.

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'It's not like you to fall off a cliff,' Yukito said, smiling gently.

Touya glowered mutely at him for a second before he said 'Extenuating circumstances.'

I watched interestedly as Yukito questioned him. Finally Touya lost his patience and held up a piece of pancake for him to eat, clearly intending to shut him up.

'These are good!' Yukito said after a bite. 'Did Sakura make them?'

Touya scowled. 'Shut up and eat.'

Yukito obliged for a while, polishing off nearly half of Touya's plate before he remembered that his friend couldn't exactly get up and get some more. 'So why are you upset?' he asked point-blank.

Touya and I both choked. It was unlike Yukito to be so direct. Touya's hand brushed his temple absently as he considered whether to reply. Finally he said, reluctantly, 'She looked like Sakura.'

'Oh?' Yukito said, while I froze in shock. Illusion was captured……Mirror. Why had she…? 'A small girl ghost. That's sad.'

'You don't get it, Yuki. She looked like Sakura. _Exactly _like her.'

Now it was Yukito's turn to freeze as it hit him. 'Oh my,' he said.

The scowl was back, but he looked bemused as well. 'You know, there was something…personal in the way she sought me out. It felt like she was angry, but it wasn't quite at me. I didn't really get it.'

I did.

Touya brushed his hand across his forehead again. He'd been doing that all evening, and I wondered why.

'Are you all right, To-ya?' Yukito said softly, concerned.

Touya shook off whatever thought he'd had. 'Yeah. Yeah, I'll be fine.'

'All right, I'd better go then.' Yukito stood up. 'Thanks for the pancakes.'

'I only gave you those because Sakura looked so guilty when she brought them up, I thought she might have done something to it. I'll have the rest now that I know I won't drop dead after.' It was a rare victory for Touya and he relished it.

Yukito shook his head fondly and left.

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I was expecting Mirror that night, but that she would be in tears I hadn't foreseen. She appeared in my room and promptly burst out crying.

'I hurt him, Yu,' she sobbed out. Amazed that the normally tranquil Mirror was so distraught, I sat her down on the bed and watched, feeling helpless. 'I m-made him fall off the cliff (sniffle), but h-he was so nice after. He didn't even h-hate me a little e-even after I……' she buried her face in my chest and cried some more. Yukito's pyjamas were getting wet from the tears.

For a brief moment, I felt jealous of Touya, whose sister wouldn't have dreamed of crying on his shoulder. I had never been in this situation before and it was making me uncomfortable. 'Hey……stop that,' I said gently. 'I don't think he's angry with you. He even told Yukito he wasn't. Besides, the fall couldn't have hurt him too badly.' A lie, but I was out of ideas.

Obviously the wrong thing to say, because that only made her sob harder. 'He could hav-ve been killed!' she wailed. 'I'm horrible!'

'No, you're silly. It happens to everyone once in a while.' I pulled her away from me. One of the few advantages of not being human is that crying doesn't make your eyes puffy and red. 'The important thing to remember about being angry is that you shouldn't take your anger out somewhere else.'

'What?'

'You didn't want to be captured, so you were angry with Sakura for being a Cardcaptor, right? But you took that anger out on Touya. That wasn't really fair, now, was it?'

She shook her head violently and shoved it back in my chest again. It hurt.

'It's only natural to do that, though. So stop beating yourself up about it. You wouldn't do it again, would you?' Another fervent shake. 'Then don't worry too much about it. Do something to make up for it if you can.'

'It's not that easy,' she protested. Was she really centuries old? She seemed so young at this moment; as childlike in her repentance as she had been in her anger.

'No. But if you act without thinking it's the best you can hope for,' I told her bluntly.

'Doing a great job of comforting her, I see,' Watery said acidly as she wrapped an arm around Mirror. I hadn't noticed her appearance. 'I'll take over from here.'

I rolled my eyes as they vanished together.

I never found out what Watery said that night, but apparently it worked, because the next time I saw Mirror she was her old self again. I was rather relieved that she'd come when she had. I was concerned about Mirror, of course, but I had something else to think about.

That evening, while I was leaving the Kinomotos' house, I had sensed a powerful magic aura just outside. It was moon magic, very strong, and distinctly female. It was nowhere near my own power, but more than enough to capture a Clow Card.

The next night brought news of Maze's capture. Maze had managed to trap both Cardcaptors within its power, but a strange woman had helped them escape and captured the Card – and then handed it to Sakura without hesitation. It was almost anticlimactic when Windy told me that she had long red hair.

The plot was growing thicker.

Clow would have loved this.


	5. Secrets and transformations

**_Chapter five: Secrets and transformations_**

**_Ruling Card: Change_**

The day after Maze was captured, Yukito was out on an early morning walk. I was feeling restless and was closer to the surface than I had intended, floating gently up as we were both lost in thought. An unfamiliar magical signature flared in the distance, and I looked up, jarred. Yukito was heading close to the Tsukimine shrine. That mysterious woman. I tried to make him turn around, but it was no use, because he'd already seen Sakura there.

'Shall I help too?'

The girl looked up and smiled. My eyes, however, were drawn to another face. The woman who had captured Maze. The one Dream had warned me about. I sank in deep, disturbed. She didn't seem to notice me; if she did, she gave no sign of it.

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'Yue,' Dream called softly. This Card, I didn't have to be awake to notice.

'What is it,' I mumbled sleepily.

'Wakey wakey,' the Card said, snapping her fingers. 'I have news for you.'

'What is it?' I repeated. 'And stop hanging around Watery.'

'Return's been captured.'

My eyes shot open. I had sensed Return at the summer festival; did that mean……

Dream saw the realisation on my face and nodded. 'She showed Sakura that woman's past. And I know you won't guess what else Return showed her.'

As it turned out, I would have lost badly.

'Her name is Mizuki Kaho, and her family owns the Tsukimine shrine.'

Kaho, hmm. And that name, Mizuki, it was vaguely familiar to me. Maybe her family had some magic in it. 'She's lived here all her life until three years ago, when she left to study abroad. Return says she showed Sakura this…she also showed her that Kaho had a relationship with Touya.'

'A wha?' I said. If I had had anything in my mouth I would have spat it out then. 'With _To-ya?_'

'Yes,' Dream said. 'For at least a year and a half, maybe more. She broke it off when she left.'

'Tell me everything,' I demanded immediately.

So she did.

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The next few weeks were a little slow for me personally, but there was plenty going on in everyone else's life.

One thing that managed to surprise me was the Li boy and Shot. I heard that the capture had been difficult, and that the Li boy had been injured in the process. I had expected no less. Shot had a shorter fuse than a terrorist's bomb, and she tended to dislike certain people intensely and immediately; the Lis had come down on her wrong side and stayed there.

None of the Cards quite understood the despairing affection Clow had for his family. Actually, I didn't either. Shot was one of the sun-ruled Cards, and she was annoyingly like Keroberos, which meant that she and I didn't get along very well; on this occasion, I made an exception.

What interested me most about the capture was that the Li boy had assisted in it of his own free will, but had not made even a token attempt to take the card for himself. His entire focus had been on getting the Card – for Sakura.

Hmm. Maybe the boy was getting over his attraction to my moon power after all.

The attraction is an unconscious thing – it can be overcome by willpower or deep emotion for someone else, but how the boy had summoned enough strength to manage to fall for someone else despite Yukito's presence was beyond me. It was easy to note, of course. The Cards were attuned to those around Sakura, and they knew what those people were feeling. The reports the Cards gave me weren't just facts; they included detailed character assessments. I supposed the fact that Clow had literally ingrained honesty in all of us (even if we could lie fluently when the situation demanded it) was a boon here.

I kept a close watch on the reactions of the Li boy and Sakura after that. The Sweet Card went to Sakura; again, the Li had helped. The Li boy took Dash, but that was only because Sakura hesitated too long.

I had the feeling that it was more duty than desire that made him go after the Cards now.

The Cards the Li boy held gave me interesting information about him. His judicious use of Dash at the track meet was startlingly mature and not quite what I would have expected of the hostile, antisocial boy. I made a note to myself to revise my opinion of him sometime in the future.

The second thing, which bothered me more than interested me, was Touya.

He was obviously extremely upset by that Mizuki woman's arrival. Maze had told me that she treated him like a stranger – in fact, until Return's capture, it hadn't occurred to me that they had had much to do with each other; _You've grown taller, Touya_ is hardly a way to greet your ex-boyfriend you dumped with no warning after a year and a half. Touya was even quieter than usual, and he was brooding more, although nobody really noticed except Yukito – and me. His aura had turned even more muted and dark than it usually was.

I scanned through Yukito's memories, hoping to find some hint of what Touya had felt for her. I felt a little guilty about doing that; now that I had accepted him as being a different person, it seemed an inexcusable invasion of privacy – something both I and Yukito appreciated. Still, I had my duties and this was part of them.

Or so I insisted to myself so I could justify it.

Yukito had no memories of Touya saying anything about that woman. He had been moody and aloof when they met – even more than he was now, which was saying something; still, Touya didn't strike me as a very cheerful and open person at the best of times. The fact that he had been that way when he and Yukito were just becoming friends didn't mean much. He could have been lonely or he could have been recovering from heartbreak. With Sakura, he was protective and teasing, keeping her safe while letting her think he was an infuriating bully; he was her second parent, since their father was not much of a presence in their lives. It was only around Yukito that he let the barriers fade and allowed himself to act human; ironic, considering that Yukito wasn't. Even around his father, he was That Kinomoto Boy whom everybody knew about and nobody knew.

Actually, I had never considered that Touya might have had a significant relationship of any kind, much less a romantic one. He seemed to move through, not with, society. Maybe it was just his power that made him stand out, but I had never reckoned that he would actually allow anyone close to him. Then again, she did have strong magic, and like him, she was a psychic. Maybe that bond, of knowing things they shouldn't and seeing things others never knew of, was what had drawn them together.

Once again, I was stumped by Touya's annoying ambiguity.

There was another thing to consider, and I wasn't quite sure what I felt about it. If Touya's relationship had been based on a magical attraction……then that meant that he wasn't immune to the moon attraction. Then why had I never sensed him being attracted to m-Yukito? Even when I had been in close contact with his aura, I had felt no magical attraction there.

The third thing was that woman herself. There, I wasn't sure what I felt.

That bell she had with her, the one she had used to capture Maze – it was one of Clow's inanimate creations. Clow, worried about the chaos the cards might cause if they were let loose, had created a counter-effect for each of the cards in case there were no magic users strong enough to capture them when they escaped. Keroberos had been given the counterspells for the sun-ruled, and I held the counterspells for the moon-ruled. Before giving us those powers he had created them in objects. That bell was the counter for Dream and Erase – a spell to wake, and to remember.

It was clearly another aid for Sakura in the Final Judgment. Was that part of Clow's plan too?

After much searching, I remembered why I was familiar with the name Mizuki. It was the name of another old magic clan, younger than the Lis and not so powerful. Clow had taken a liking to one of their younger practitioners and had spent some weeks teaching her magic. I had met that girl briefly but never spoken to her. I hadn't thought it important enough. Now I wished I had.

Ahh, the eagle eye of hindsight.

And I wondered about Sakura herself. I was frankly amused by the way in which Sakura captured Create and Big. Two cards in one night were quite good; Windy's description of their reaction to the giant goldfish was one of the funniest things I had heard since waking. It was the first time I had laughed out loud since…being unsealed.

She didn't seem affected in the slightest by the power that she held, or want to use it for any purpose other than what it was meant for. She remained as she always was, sweet and cheerful, a bit clumsy and graceless, but with strength beneath it that warned people to take her seriously if they had the intelligence to see it.

Most of all, she had a strange presence about her that made everyone……love her. I hesitated to use the word, but once I did it seemed appropriate. If there was one thing Kinomoto Sakura did not lack, it was love.

I didn't understand why. I tried my best, but that one perfect word that would have summed up why she was what she was simply wouldn't come to me.

I also spent a lot of time thinking about Keroberos. We couldn't be around each other for extended periods of time (anything more than fifteen minutes counted) without fighting, but now that he wasn't there at all I had begun to miss him rather badly.

I was beginning to realise why he was acting the way he was. Keroberos was trapped between two conflicting demands – the rules Clow had laid on him and the loyalty he felt to Sakura. It would take me some time to adjust to the fact that he had shifted allegiance so easily, but then Keroberos had always been that way, quick and impulsive where I was cautious and suspicious; of course it would be that way for him.

It was a delicate line he chose to walk, and I marveled that his unsubtle mind had come up with such a plan, let alone executed it. Keroberos was helping Sakura by giving her information and support during the captures; he was also sticking to the letter of Clow's instructions by pretending to forget and be silly so that she would not make him reveal more than was absolutely required. Of course, he was naturally quite silly and forgetful, but not this much. Clow had his faults, but creating unintelligent beings was something he could never be accused of. The Li boy certainly helped in getting Sakura the knowledge she required, since he had a trove of information about the Cards and enjoyed gloating over the fact that he knew more than the Guardian Beast of the Seal.

Pretending to know less than the Li had to be galling. I didn't envy Keroberos.

I envied him even less when Yukito found his false form lying in the garden one evening.

I knew that Keroberos hadn't bothered to change his false form since Clow had created him, and had remained in it after being unsealed. I had spent twenty years around him, and the stuffed toy false form was terribly obvious. I mean, what plushie has food stains around its mouth all the time?

Still, when Yukito picked him up from where he was lying, I knew immediately that something was different. Keroberos' aura was sun-bright, warm and gold in colour to my eyes – not green, not cool, and certainly not human. In fact, I knew this aura.

The Li boy.

So Sakura had run into the Change, had she?

Yukito being Yukito, he picked it up and held it safely to his chest as he walked in to give it to Sakura. I was having some difficulty restraining myself from an unGuardianlike fit of giggles at the thought of what the Li must be going through, being hugged by his crush, who incidentally thought he was a plushie.

Was his face actually growing warm in Yukito's hands?

He handed the Li boy to Sakura, and I saw to my satisfaction that his face was an incredible shade of pink-red. That boy really was unfortunately prone to blushing.

'Sakura, that plush toy has rather red cheeks,' Yukito observed curiously.

I confess that I completely lost it at that point.

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A few days later, Yukito's teacher passed some fliers out in class promoting the Tomoeda Quiz Rally. He was extremely excited about it, judging by the way he chattered on and on about it to anyone who would listen – meaning Touya, who hmmed at appropriate intervals and tuned him out the rest of the time. The quiz was a team effort, and Yukito had partnered up with Sakura (obviously), because Touya was out working on another part-time job (even more obviously).

The day of the Tomoeda quiz, I was awake within Yukito, and watching interestedly.

Riddling and games of logic were a favourite pastime of mine. During my years with Clow, I had spent an enormous amount of time creating or solving them; even he couldn't play as well as I did, although Keroberos was better than either of us at games of chance.

If Yukito really _was_ drawing skills from me, this quiz rally would prove it.

The Li boy and his Chinese girlfriend were there too. The boy stared at Yukito and blushed. Then he saw Sakura smile and he blushed some more. As I thought. His affections were definitely shifting. Well, the sooner he stopped mooning over my magic the better.

The rules were quite simple, and so was the first riddle. Touya was at the booth. I was always amazed at the unerring instinct he had for where Sakura was going to be. It had to be magic. Either that, or it was a refined talent for teasing her.

I waited to see what Yukito would do. He solved the puzzle in about six seconds – turning ten matchsticks into a star – that one was old when I was young. Touya was annoyed; he'd obviously spent some time coming up with that one. Oh, well. Bow to a superior intellect and all that. He solved the next few with equal speed. I was quite impressed.

As the day wore on, Yukito began to tire slightly. Keeping up with Sakura's excitement meant that he couldn't stop to eat, and he was really getting hungry. (Why _was_ he so fixated on food, anyway?) So he began to reach into my power. Accustomed now to his sharing my life-force, I allowed him to take what he needed. It was the full moon, and I had much more power than I needed; he barely made a dent in my resources.

The seventh puzzle stopped them both dead. It was a complex message that had to be decoded; the location of the relief was concealed within it (though they still needed three stamps, so it wasn't all that useful). Yukito adjusted his glasses, peering at it. It was quite difficult. I ran several combinations through my mind, thrilled to have a real challenge. Finally, I was able to decode the message. Was I actually competing with Yukito? That was dreadfully immature. Fun, though.

At that moment, I felt Yukito's mind reach out to my own again. It was consciously seeking, this touch, and it sent insistent tendrils into my mind. Shocked, I tightened my grip on my mind, pushing it out. Yukito frowned, touching his forehead as if it hurt him.

Realising what he wanted, I sent him the answer. The touch receded immediately, satisfied now that it had what it wanted.

I was slightly disturbed by that. This had been different from the other times, when Yukito had needed more energy. This time, it was a specific knowledge he was looking for, and he hadn't retreated until he found it. I knew Yukito didn't know I was there, much less who I was; but what if he decided to look for answers to questions about his own life? Answers that would compromise my identity?

I was still thinking about it as Yukito and Sakura approached the last booth, but a powerful signature tore me away from my thoughts. That Mizuki woman. She was standing at the last booth, smug as ever, clad in yet another skirt and shirt, long red hair falling unbound.

Yukito and Sakura played to answer the last question, and Sakura won. As she struggled to solve the riddle, the woman came over to Yukito, and they introduced themselves. After some small talk, she hesitated, and said,

'Yukito, you……'

'Yes?'

I tensed. She was clearly going to tell him something about me, and I couldn't let her. _Not yet_ I flashed to her, and she stiffened, inhaling sharply, before she nodded fractionally.

This was a problem. I was going to have to deal with this. Soon.

The nadeshiko relief was in Penguin Park, and both contestants were quite happy that they were the second group to finish. I couldn't be less interested in the quiz now.

What did she know? She was clearly a powerful magic user, but I hadn't sensed her doing anything since she'd arrived. Her family had been associated with Clow. What were his plans for her?

Caught in these thoughts, I didn't notice that the place where Sakura and Yukito were searching was perilously close to a short cliff. Didn't notice the dreamy stupor that crept slowly into Sakura's aura; didn't sense her falling slowly into a trance; didn't hear the soft scuffling of earth under her feet as she fell forward.

Yukito did.

His sharp inhalation and alarm preceded her falling by just a second, alerting me to the fact that something was wrong. She fell off the cliff as he turned around. He didn't bother to cry out, reach for her; it was too late. Instead, he jumped off the cliff after her.

Numbed by the suddenness of the whole thing, I could only stare, shocked, as he wrapped his arms around her with a sort of fierce protectiveness, turning them over in midair, shielding her from the worst of the fall. I clearly heard his leg scrunch as it folded the wrong way under them both. Sakura was unconscious even before she hit the ground, cushioned by Yukito's body. Still, he didn't collapse, checking her for injuries. Once he was sure she was all right, he covered her with his trench coat before he, too, lost consciousness. The pain immediately transferred itself to me, and I buried myself deep to escape it.

When I woke up, it was twilight, and I was in my own form.

A/N: the one To-ya in there? NOT a slip.

This was something of a filler chapter; the plot takes off again in the next one. There will be nine chapters in total. A sneak peek into chapter 6: in season 3, why was Yue the first to start disappearing and not the Cards? My thanks to Ethereal Night for pointing out my mistake in chapter 4 - fixed, by the way.


	6. Breaking point

_**Chapter six: Breaking point**_

**_Ruling Card: Windy _**

A/N: 600 hits. Yay me!

For the first time in two centuries, I could feel my wings.

The familiar weight, the minuscule muscular adjustments I had to make to maintain my centre of gravity that I didn't have to as a human; the weight of my silky long hair, even longer than my wings; the warmth and comfort of my robes; the increased sharpness of the ice-blue cat-slit eyes that could see so much more clearly than Yukito, who needed glasses all the time.

And most of all, the moon. Oh, the moon. I could feel its cool radiance fill me, energising me, remaking me. I opened my wings and arms to it, arching my back, just feeling it flow through me. The pain in my leg was forgotten as I stood there, under the silver moon, its magic healing me, calming me, opening me up to the flow and weave of the magic in this place.

I stood like that for almost half an hour.

Then I heard a voice.

_Yue. _

Clow? No, of c–

_Yue. _

_Clow? Is that you?_

_Who else would it be? –there's something I have to tell you. _

_What is it? _I asked curiously. With the feeling of tranquil well-being that the moon was giving me, I couldn't even feel too much pain at the sound of his voice.

_You're not going to like it, but believe me when I say it's the best for you. _Clow sounded………hesitant. _You may have guessed by now that I want Sakura to win the Final Judgment. _

_So? _I frowned.

_I have a plan for you all, Yue. You, Keroberos, the Cards, everyone. You will lose to Sakura at the Final Judgment; I have Seen this. The Cards will become Sakura's responsibility. Keroberos will be her Sun Guardian, and you………you will be her protector, her guide; her love._

_What are you implying, Clow? I don't like the sound of this. _

_In my plan, you and Sakura will fall in love. It is inevitable, Yue. I have taken steps to ensure that this is so. _

_Steps? _And with that one word, everything became clear.

When I had designed a personality for my false form, Clow had been very precise about the qualities and physical form it would bear. And now I knew why he had wanted it. He had made me design Yukito to Sakura's tastes. Other things fell into place. How Yukito knew when Sakura was outside the door. Why he was unconsciously drawn to wherever she was. Clow had made him to fall in love with Sakura.

I thought back again to the day he'd caught Sakura when she was falling. It had seemed so natural; he hadn't been concerned by it. It was the simplest thing in the world to be there at the right time, to follow her, protect her, watch over her……love her?

But Yukito wasn't capable of doing all that, he didn't have the necessary power to protect a girl with magic. He was nowhere near equipped to do that. But I was…….!

_You……tailored Yukito to be irresistible to Sakura. Did you do the same to me?_

Silence. It said more than everything he'd spoken so far.

_You _programmed _me to fall in love with Sakura?_

_Yue, please listen –_

_No! How could you do this, Clow? How could you ignore my feelings and just……do whatever you felt like with me? You say you gave me free will, but this……! I don't love Sakura. Neither does Yukito. Not that way. _But even as I spoke, I wondered. Yukito's feelings for her were deep, and well-hidden. I hadn't felt much from him, so I didn't know for sure. And as for Sakura……

Didn't she love him already?

_You tried to play games with people as pawns, as usual! Or was it something else? "I created Yue, so now I can pass him around to whoever I feel." Is that it?_ I thrashed within our mental bond, trying to free myself. He held me tighter.

_Yue, I had no choice. I have seen futures where you did not love Sakura, Yue. Inevitably, you died. Even before Sakura finished transforming the cards into hers. The amount of power you draw from your master depends directly on how much you care for him or her. You know this. If the Cards care for her more than you do, they will draw all her power and you will disappear before they do, since her power will maintain them if you're not drawing fully from her. She can either support you and some of the Cards, or all the Cards without you. There was no way I could do anything else! You can't possibly think that I would do this for fun!_

_No, you had a choice. One you didn't make, even when I begged you to. You didn't have to die, and we both know it. You were selfish and you were cruel, and now you expect me to pay the price for it? No. Never. I'd rather die than fall in love with someone because I was forced to by magic. _

_Then what about the Cards? Are you going to deprive them of their Guardian?_

I hadn't expected Clow to play the duty card, for some reason, and it stopped my thought along with my breathing.

Then I was angry. Angrier than I had ever been, struggling to feel an emotion I had rarely felt towards a person I had never imagined would deserve it.

_How dare you say that,_ I hissed. I wasn't struggling to free myself; I had gone completely still in the bond, though I strongly suspected that my physical body was trembling violently. _You have no right to do that to me. Deprive the Cards of their Guardian? If you hadn't died, the Cards wouldn't have been deprived of a master in the first place! Besides,_ I added bitterly, _if Sakura's such a great mistress and all, it's quite unlikely they'll miss me, isn't it?_

_Yue, no –_

_You're dead, Clow. _A part of me screamed silently at how I had said it so coldly, so easily. I ignored it. _So leave me. You denied me your presence, don't torment me with your voice! _ With one last desperate struggle that he hadn't been expecting, I freed myself from his influence.

Panting, shaking, I fell to my knees in the soft earth, next to Sakura, who was still sleeping. I shuddered as I saw her face, and retreated into Yukito, burying myself deep.

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I don't remember much of the rest of the night. I clearly remember that some of the Cards sensed me and came, breaking the unwritten rule that they would not gather in large numbers. Dream, Dash (who had escaped from the Li's clutches somehow), Fly, Return, Erase, and my 'girls', Windy, Watery and Mirror. They gathered around me as I sat on the bed, and I looked back at them. Did they expect tears? Anger? I didn't know. Then Mirror, who was the shyest of them all but also the one who was closest, hugged me. Then Windy, and Watery, and soon all the Cards were shielding me from the rest of the world. I went limp in their collective suffocating embrace, like a baby, like I never had in my entire life, and then, after hours of iron control I began to cry, silently, because I was too afraid that I might start screaming to make any sound at all. They pressed closer, until every part of me was touching one Card or another.

After a while, I fell asleep.

When I woke up, the Cards were gone, it was almost daylight and time for Yukito to wake up. I was in no mood to face the rest of the world, so I simply convinced him that he had a slight fever and that he'd be better off staying home. Touya called, concerned, after school – so did Sakura. I let Yukito take the calls, but didn't bother to listen in.

Last night's grief had receded, and had been replaced by a deep icy fury. I was worried by it, simply because it didn't seem to require any sustenance. I actually felt quite normal, except that there was a hard cold feeling in my chest and my throat hurt continuously. The throat ache went away by the afternoon, but the ice didn't.

Clow had laid a very simple choice before me. If I gave in to his wishes and fell in love with Sakura, I would live. If I did, I would never know the difference between my true and my created feelings. If I went against Clow's choice – did I even have the strength required to do that, to disobey my master, or the willpower to resist the impulse he had created within me? – but if I successfully resisted, I would die.

Well, then, dying it was. I would win the Final Judgment and seal myself back in the book for good, and to damnation with my responsibilities; Keroberos could take care of the Cards. In the void, death would come easy, barely noticed.

I was deadly serious in what I had said to Clow. If there was one thing I valued above all others, it was my right to choose for myself. My actions were bound by my duties, but my feelings were mine and mine alone. Nobody had the right to toy with them.

After searching my own magical structure for a few hours, I found the spell, a simple one, but too tightly wound in me to remove. The nature of the spell was designed to amplify any feelings I might have for Sakura. There were two potential loopholes. The first accounted for my being in love with someone else. I snorted at that one. Yeah, right. I was still getting over Clow (which he had just made more difficult), and I had an indefinite amount of months – four, maybe five at the most – to fall in love with someone else. That option was definitely out. The other loophole was if I managed not to care for Sakura at all. That was easier, and I seized on it as my answer. As long as I didn't care for Sakura, I was fine.

I hoped.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I wasn't given much time to get over it, unfortunately. Yukito was down in the kitchen, making himself some soup for dinner when the doorbell rang. I stiffened. I could feel a strong aura of moon magic outside the door.

That Mizuki woman.

Gently, I sent Yukito to sleep and then went out to meet her, still in my human form.

She had chosen the worst possible day to come visit me.

I opened the door. She stood on the doorstep, silhouetted in the fading sunlight. She opened her mouth to speak, but I held up a hand, forestalling her.

'I know you know who I am,' I said coldly. 'So let's skip the pointless dramatics and introductions. I have no desire to hear anything that you might have to say to me. I'm letting you go for now because I'm convinced that you aren't any danger to what I'm doing.' Her eyes widened slightly, and I resisted the urge to smirk. I was in control for once. 'You're his pawn in this as far as I can tell, so you won't tell Sakura; Clow wouldn't break his own rules. There can't possibly be anything else you need to tell me, so you can just turn around and leave right now.'

I had already begun closing the door when her voice stopped me dead. 'Has Clow already spoken to you, then?'

And just like that, she'd turned me inside out. I froze. 'What if he has?'

'What are you going to do about it?'

'It?'

'The Final Judgment,' she clarified.

'What's to say?' I said calmly. 'I intend to win at all cost. And I do mean all.'

'You'd rather die than accept Clow's plan?'

'Yes,' I said unequivocally. 'What are you going to do about it?'

She was surprised by that, but hid it well. 'So you've made your verdict even before the Judgment? That doesn't sound too fair to me.'

That angered me. 'Fair? What's fair about anything that's happened so far in this game? Clow clearly wants this girl to succeed. He's bound the Cards' powers, given her an easy way to capture them. He's even given her a second chance in the Final Judgment. Don't look so surprised. I know what that bell of yours is, and I can make an educated guess why Clow gave it to you. Anyone who needs so much help in capturing the Cards is obviously unworthy of being their master.'

'Or you could look at the rest of the evidence. Clow had to restrain the Cards' power; if they were at full potential, not only could they cause immense havoc before they could be sealed, they would finish the reservoir of power Clow left you all in a matter of weeks. And as for needing help – she's a child, Yue! Even Clow, at the same age, would have floundered every bit as much – maybe even more. She has the potential to be more powerful than Clow, and you know it. You're being unfair. Even the Cards know this. Most of them have given over their allegiance to her already, even the ones who haven't been captured. Why can't you just be fair and admit that she wouldn't be half bad as a master!'

The other Cards had been getting reports? Only Windy would know where they all were. Then she was the one who had told them? I reeled in shock.

'You're a cheat, Yue. You were created to be fair. It is your duty to be. And you've decided the entire Judgment based on something that the candidate doesn't even know about? That doesn't sound very objective to me.'

I was shaking with anger. At her. At Windy. At the moon-ruled Cards – _my_ Cards – which had consciously and deliberately betrayed me. 'Get out,' I said in a low venomous voice that Yukito could never have summoned. 'Leave now, or I swear I'll kill you.' I was deadly serious.

She nodded and walked away, her skirts swishing around her legs, but then she turned around before she reached the road. 'You're wrong,' she said softly, but my sharper ears caught the words. 'It's not only Sakura the bell is meant to awaken.'

She left, and I leaned against the doorway, all strength lost.

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That night, Windy came to visit me as usual. 'Yue,' she greeted me.

'Good evening,' I said coldly, not moving from the bed.

The moon-ruled are far more perceptive than other magic users. The Card's long hand flew to her mouth and her eyes widened at the look in my eyes. 'You know,' she gasped.

'I wasn't sure. Not until your reaction just now. Thanks for clearing it up. You're the highlight of what has been a truly rotten week.'

'Yue, I–'

'Save it. You'd better go now, or you and I will have words that we're both going to regret.' I closed my eyes. She didn't leave. 'What are you waiting for?'

'I was only doing my duty, Yue,' she said quietly, though her voice shook. 'You know this as well as I do. I'm sorry if I hurt you.'

'Would you do it again?'

'Wh-what?'

I opened my eyes. 'Would. You. Do. It. Again. It's a simple question. Which word didn't you understand?'

She set her shoulders defiantly. 'Yes I would.'

'Then you're not sorry, I see. Don't lie, you're pathetic at it.' I eyed her stonily.

'I knew,' she said quietly. 'About Clow. What he did.'

This was not happening. It couldn't be. 'You knew about the attraction spell?'

She nodded, not meeting my eyes. 'I'm sorry,' she said.

'You knew?' I asked again. I couldn't help it. 'But why?'

Why did you do it. Why didn't you tell me. Why did Clow think of this. Why did he tell you. I let her fill in the blanks were her own question. It was a trick I had often used. Given enough ambiguity, anyone assumes the worst and reacts accordingly.

Playing mind games on my own Cards.

Funny how a day can change so much.

'I was the one Clow assigned to keep you away while he was designing the spell. He told me.'

'You knew. All this time, you knew. And you never told me?'

I was numb now, as numb as I had been when facing Clow in my mind. I cursed my nature, cursed my own inability to feel anything but ice and apathy, cursed the fact that I couldn't bring myself to retaliate against this assault, cursed the wretched moon magic that called and sang and filled me with tranquility that my inner turmoil transformed into an abyss of unfeeling.

At that moment, I was very close to unmaking myself.

She was obviously picking up on my emotions, because a tear slipped down her cheek. I couldn't care either way. Then she gathered herself visibly, pushed her emotions away. I gazed at her emptily.

'I knew this is how you would react, Yue. Clow thought you'd take it better, he thought Yukito would already be in love with Sakura by the time she opened the Book and that that would…' she trailed off, stricken at the sight of my face. I half reached a hand up to discover what my expression was and why it frightened her so, because to my knowledge I hadn't moved a muscle.

'Yue?' she whispered, flinching.

'I've changed my mind. I think you had better explain this,' I said flatly.

And so the whole story came spilling out.

When Clow made Keroberos and me and later the Cards, he had not understood that we drew our powers from him because of our……feelings for him, and that the amount we drew depended on how deeply we cared for him. This was far from normal for magical creations; if anything, the power transfer usually worked the other way; favoured creations drew more than less desirable ones. This hadn't worried Clow much in the beginning, not even when he Saw Sakura. He had, Windy said, called her easily loved once.

The problem began when he realised that I was in love with him.

Clow knew me better than anyone – he had created me, after all. He could order me not to follow after him once he died, but he knew that I would react to his death………as I had in fact reacted to it. There was no way I could care more about Sakura than the cards did, not if I loved him so much. That was when he had hit upon the idea of making my false form unusually susceptible to falling in love with Sakura, and implanted the same suggestion in me as well.

I listened in silence as she spoke, paying attention, burning every word into my memory. It was strange that she was distraught and I was calm; given the circumstances I would have expected the opposite.

When she finished, the Card waited. I don't know how long it was we stood there like that, each waiting for the other to snap and say……something, anything. I wasn't going to talk, and it didn't look like she could.

Then I drew in a deep, slow breath and asked her why again. 'The real reason, Windy.'

'It's terribly simple, Yue,' she said, very quietly. 'In case you haven't noticed, you are the best friend I have. I have no desire to see you die.'

'And _this _is the alternative you found?'

'There weren't too many other options, Yue. Clow's power won't support you forever, and the mistress……'

'But if you……' I trailed off, just realising something. 'Don't you realise that if I…if Sakura's power doesn't sustain all of us, then you…I…' the enormity of what she had done was just crashing down on me. 'How dare you!' I raged. I was quite capable of accepting my death, but the Cards' dissolution was something I was nowhere near accepting. 'You have no right to make that choice! Do the others even–'

'They know.' A whisper, almost an exhalation, but it sounded as deafening as a church bell from three paces. 'I told them. Before the spell. We're Cards, Yue, we can be reconstructed. Not like you. If you die, you die, and there is no coming back – not to the way you were.'

In mute pain, I shook my head. Windy stepped closer. 'Everything that I am can be calculated, written down, replicated. Once the mistress has enough power, she can rebuild any of us. You have the spells, so does Keroberos. You can show her how. As the mistress says, one way or another, everything will be all right.'

'It won't be the same,' I insisted. 'Whether you're replicable or not makes no difference, you……I can't allow you to do this. Even if you have all your memories and your powers, you won't be…you won't be you. You'll be someone else!'

Those words would haunt me for years to come, though I didn't know it at the time.

'It doesn't matter,' she insisted.

If there was one thing I held to, always, it was my duty. I had been born to protect Clow, yes, but I had become the Cards' Guardian and it was now my life's purpose. The Cards were my responsibility. No, they were more, they were my family.

I resisted the urge to scream. I was the Guardian, they were the Cards. _I_ protected them, _I_ took care of _them_, I was the one who died for them if necessary. Not the other way around. Never that.

'I can't allow that,' I said coldly. 'I am going to win the Final Judgment, and I am not going to allow myself to fall under the spell. Your efforts are appreciated but unwelcome. None of you are going to die for me, is that clear. Now get out of here before…' I stopped. There was no threat I could make that I was prepared to carry out.

'Yue, don't do this,' she pleaded.

'And don't come back,' I added ruthlessly.

I had no more energy to talk, or think, or do anything. I simply lay back down on the bed and closed my eyes, trying hard not to cry. I felt Windy leave, but it didn't help at all. I sank back into Yukito's mind, and that helped a little.

If I couldn't have any peace of my own, I could feel his vicariously. I was too tired to be proud.

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The moon is bound to the earth as the earth is to the sun. This is scientific fact, but also philosophical principle – metaphorically, some elements, some forces are independent, while others are always bound to one thing or another. The stars are free; the planets are not; darkness is free, light is not, and the satellites are doubly bound to what attracts them. People are like that too; some need no external influence to define them, while others choose something to define themselves by, and trade freedom for certainty of purpose. As a moon-ruled being, I suppose I didn't have much choice in the structure of my character. From my birth, I had defined myself using Clow. First I was a creation, then his student, then a Guardian, then, lastly, his…lover, if not his beloved; I had never aspired to be that much, asking only for what he was willing to give me. Then, once the Cards were born, I defined myself using them as well; Guardian of the Cards, Windy's friend, Dream's favourite debate partner, Mirror's pillow, Fight's punching bag. Friend, brother, colleague, lover, student, teacher. Definitions, all.

And one by one, the assumptions upon which I had based those definitions – trust, acceptance, freedom, free will, affection, honesty – had been ripped away.

And like any satellite which has lost its planet, I was lost in the void.

It sounded terribly melodramatic when I thought of it, but on a certain level that was exactly what had happened.

The worst part of it was that I couldn't blame any of them. They had acted on my behalf, all of them. The Cards' decision was so unexpected, so staggeringly selfless that I couldn't even imagine it; couldn't make myself like them for forcing such a privilege on me.

But what I couldn't understand was: why Sakura? Even if Sakura was Judged unworthy, the Cards had enough power to sustain themselves for centuries. They could just wait until someone with enough power to sustain the Cards came along. But that Mizuki woman had said that Sakura could be even more powerful than Clow once her powers attained maturity, and she had no reason to lie about that.

The one I could be angry with, I decided, was Clow himself. Nobody told him he had to die; he could have lived centuries more, we both knew it.

It was also deeply ironic, I mused, that I was on the receiving end of an implanted magical attraction. I, who had taken others' reaction to my moon power for granted, been contemptuous and mocking of their lack of willpower, was now in precisely the same spot. It would have been funny, an insight into the law of karma, an idle anecdote to pass around over dinner, if it wasn't………well, me.

I suddenly had a newfound sympathy for the Li boy. I knew exactly how he felt; and even to some extent how Sakura felt around me and that Mizuki woman. To be attracted to someone, to fall in love despite oneself was an invasion and a defilement of the most secret, most sacred emotion of all. And what about Touya? I had ample evidence that he was no stranger to that attraction himself; Mizuki Kaho, while not ugly, was hardly an appropriate catch for a fourteen-year-old. And he was a student of hers at the time, at that. Maybe that was why he was not attracted to Yukito; he had simply clamped down on the part of himself that responded to that draw. He certainly had enough power to do that, and at fifteen he would know enough about himself and his hormones to keep the magic from throwing them off-balance.

There was only one difference between them and me. In their case, there were no consequences for rejecting the attraction.

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I now had one overriding concern; I needed to know what Yukito thought of Sakura.

He was the weak point in my plan. I already knew that what Yukito felt, I could feel when that strange bond between us was opened. It had happened twice already. If Yukito loved Sakura, then the feeling might be enough to trigger the attraction spell imbedded in me by mistake.

I tried several times to open the connection between us again, but was unable to succeed. Apparently it could only be opened from the other side; Yukito could access my power, and I could access his emotions at the same time.

So I waited for him to open the bond again, patiently, but with that cursed luck that I had, he didn't access my power around Sakura once after the Tomoeda quiz; even when he did, he wasn't thinking about Sakura, so I couldn't tell.

My opportunity came much later, the week before Christmas.

Yukito was lying in bed, munching some fries while rereading an essay for his English class. I was reading it with him, absently noting the difference between his writing style and mine and checking his grammar, feeding him the corrections and watching, marveling at his obliviousness, as he 'noticed' the errors and corrected them. His grades were definitely improving these days after I had begun helping him out.

With that eerie sixth sense he sometimes possessed, Yukito's hand twitched towards the phone a second before it began to ring. 'Tsukishiro residence,' he said.

A nervous silence on the other end of the phone. Then my field of vision increased as Yukito's eyes widened slightly. 'Is that you, Sakura?'

Instant relief, and then she began talking. I listened with half an ear, wondering whether this was just a sign of his connection to me or if it had to do with his connection to Sakura.

At the carnival, I finally had my chance to find out. It was, to all purposes, the perfect evening for Sakura. She had her date with Yukito, and even her omniscient brother's presence couldn't detract from it; she even managed to capture Fiery. And as they sat together in a booth of the Ferris wheel, she shyly removed a present from her handbag and gave it to him. Yukito unwrapped it to reveal a small replica of himself, obviously handmade and very carefully crafted. Sakura must have spent hours on it.

'You made this?' Yukito asked, but he already knew.

I felt a burst of affection from him, mixed with a slight bewilderment as two conflicting thoughts clashed in his mind –

_What a lovely first present _

And

_Why did I think that?_

It was true, though. Nobody had ever given Yukito a present before. I had received many, but he didn't know about those, and aside from love offerings from moonstruck schoolgirls he had never been given anything. Not by someone who really cared for him, someone he cared for in return. The only other who could have was Touya, who wasn't the type for presents.

I was somewhat taken aback that he had seen through that much of the illusion of his life.

Even before these thoughts flashed through my mind, I felt the emotions coming from him become deeper and stronger, growing until my own presence was dwarfed, engulfed.

The next thing I felt was the purest, sweetest relief I had ever known.

Because I knew. After two weeks of exhausting anxiety, I had my answer.

Yukito loved Sakura. But he wasn't in love with her.

Bright glowing sparks began to fall, and I recognised the distinctive signature of Keroberos' magic. He really was pleased by Fiery's capture.

I felt like laughing. I felt like dancing, and I was already smiling. I could feel Yukito's emotions bouncing off mine, refracting and enhancing each other. I was very close to the surface, and I could clearly feel his smile.

For the first time, I realised that it was very like my own.

But mixed with it was a certain sorrow. I was free, but I now had to face a prophecy that said that I would die before Sakura transformed all the Cards.

Well, she would have to win the Judgment first, and I had no intention of allowing that to happen.

'Sakura,' Yukito said, holding the doll up. She turned to see him. 'Let's do this again next year.'

She smiled.

A/N: so now out come the secrets. What did you think? Review! Sneak peek of next chapter: do you really believe Touya never got through to Yue until episode 65?


	7. No more secrets

_**Chapter seven: No more secrets**_

_**Ruling Card: Erase**_

Class time. Yukito and Touya were studying, and I was staring out of the window, brooding. It was a habit of mine that I didn't like but could hardly help. Moon influence and all that.

I heard a whisper of magic in the air, and was surprised when Yukito stiffened as well. Then I realised that he had reacted to Touya, who had just jumped upright as if stung. The boy strode quickly to the teacher, mumbled a quick excuse and then almost ran out of the class. He called the office soon after to say that Sakura was ill and he was taking her home. Yukito sighed with relief and offered to take his bag home for him. Yukito managed to pry the details out of Touya; he'd heard that Mizuki woman's voice in class, though he maintained that he didn't hear it all the time. I knew there was something between Touya and that woman, of course, but the ability to communicate telepathically, however erratic, spoke of a powerful bond. He must have loved her. Maybe he was still in love with her.

That made me angry. Why was it that everyone I knew seemed doomed to pursue people who were inevitably going to turn around and say 'No' when they screwed up the courage to confess? Wasn't there one successful relationship in these parts?

'Yuki,' Touya said quietly as he opened the door to let his friend out. Yukito looked up at him enquiringly.

'There's something I need to talk to you about. It's rather important. Can I come over to your house tomorrow evening?'

'Sure, To-ya,' Yukito said cheerfully. He, of course, didn't know what Touya was talking about.

That night, I felt Sakura capture a Card – Cloud, probably, since it had been hanging around a while ago. I clamped firmly down on how impressed I was that she had actually managed to walk from her room to the bathroom with that kind of fever, let alone capture a Clow Card, and one of the more hot-tempered ones at that.

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The next evening, Yukito was washing up in the kitchen when the doorbell rang – one sharp, commanding _tring_. Quickly, before Yukito could realise who was there, I took over, sending him to sleep gently. Though it was Yukito's form that opened the door, it was I who saw Touya standing there in the pouring rain, his hair dripping over his coat.

I had already decided that I was going to find out how much I knew before he –

Touya squinted at me suspiciously. 'You're not Yuki,' he said. 'Are you?'

Sayonara, plan.

'Why don't you come in,' I said expressionlessly.

His eyes never left me as we went into the living room. Moving automatically, Touya relaxed on his usual spot on the sofa. Unlike Yukito, who would usually sit quite close, I perched uncomfortably on the other end; wishing that I had my wings now. The feel of them on my back was conspicuously missing.

'What do you know?' I said flatly. 'And how long have you known of my existence?'

Touya shrugged. 'Pretty much everything.' His fingers ran restlessly through his hair, flicking drops of water off them. 'The Cards, that ridiculous stuffed animal that starts sweating whenever I look at him……I've been watching her all this while, and what little I didn't know I got from Mirror. I'd have to be pretty stupid to miss all those cues. In answer to your second question……' he thought for a while. 'The day we met, I suppose. I could always sense you, even if your power was dormant until a few days before Sakura began to collect the Cards.'

This was worse than I'd expected. Touya had known all along.

He was irritatingly self-possessed, his posture relaxed, his voice easy. I was the one who was supposed to be in control of this situation!

'And what don't you know?'

'Who you are.' Touya didn't shift a muscle, but he was clearly on the defense. 'And what you want with Yuki.'

I knew what I had to do. Nobody could know who I was. If Touya somehow guessed my role in the capture of the Cards – and it was entirely likely he would, at this rate – then he would definitely tell Sakura.

I was going to have to erase his memory of me. I'd known it all along. Months, in fact.

And if I had……

Why hadn't I done it before?

'Wait a minute. Mirror? How do you know her name?'

'We've met. Sakura used her to fill in for her when she was out capturing a Card.' Touya's eyes softened slightly. I knew that look. It was the same one he gave Sakura. 'She's something special.'

'She is,' I agreed quietly.

'Even if she tried to drop me off a cliff. God knows, Sakura's threatened to do that often enough.' A flicker of amusement that was gone in the next second as he leaned forward, his eyes suddenly sharper and darker. I could feel his aura strengthening. 'You haven't answered my question.'

Finally, something I was clear on. 'If you're worried about what I might do to Yukito, you can rest your worries. I have no desire to harm him.'

Touya's eyes narrowed. A whole minute passed before he blinked and lay back against the sofa. So he had accepted my answer.

I found it rather charming, really. I was one of the most dangerous beings alive. Even Clow had been hard-pressed to defeat me in battle as time went by. And now this boy was threatening _me_? Over Yukito, at that? I nearly laughed at the idea.

'All right.' Touya's head tilted back slightly. 'Whatever it is you're going to do now, you'd better get it over with.'

'What?' I said intelligently.

'I'm not stupid. There's no way you're letting me just walk away after I've told you all of this.'

Once again, Touya had succeeded in surprising me. 'Then why–'

'Oh, I don't think you're going to kill me.'

Time to regain control. I let just a little threat bleed into my aura. 'You seem very sure for someone with no evidence.'

'That won't work against me. I'm a psychic, remember? I can read auras, and yours doesn't carry any evil. Pain, yes, sorrow, yes–' Something unreadable flashed through his own just then. 'I felt you very clearly the night after the Tomoeda quiz. But not darkness. If I had to guess, I'd say you were going to erase my memories.'

'And if you're so sure, why didn't you tell me before this?'

'It was fun making you wonder,' he said with a straight face. 'Watching you twitch – let's just say it's a small payback for all the teasing I've had to tolerate for the last two years.' He smiled. It was bright, and unexpected. Touya never smiled quite like that. 'I wasn't too worried. You'd never hurt me, Yuki.'

I zeroed in on the last statement. 'I'm not Yukito.' In fact, I hadn't told him my name at all.

'Aren't you?' Touya leaned forward challengingly.

'Of course not. He's just…' how did that sentence end again? 'I made him so I could walk among humans without their knowing.'

'You created him; he's bound to be something like you. It's like reading a book – if you know how, you can see the author behind the words. It's really quite simple once you think about it. I mean, if you create something out of nothing, what can you create it from except yourself? Don't you see that?' He leaned even closer. 'Or……don't you want to accept it?'

Too much, too fast, too close. I stood, wishing I could wrap my wings around myself. 'I don't know what you're talking about.'

'If you say so,' Touya agreed tiredly, closing his eyes. The intensity, the confidence seemed to drain out of him, until he was just a high-school boy again. It wasn't until his eyes closed that I realised just how powerful they were. 'All right, do it then.'

'Mm.' I reached out a hand, the spell already ready at my fingertips. As the Moon Guardian, I had control over all the cards' powers. This would take Erase – for obvious reasons – and Change, to replace his original memories with new ones.

My hand was a bare inch from his forehead before Touya's face contorted, his eyes opening. 'Wait,' he said softly, depthless dark eyes fixed on mine. I paused, expecting him to ask whether it would hurt. I was wrong. 'Before I forget. Show me what you look like?'

I froze. I don't know for how long I just stood there in a trance, because it was a warning twinge of cramp in my human form's muscles that snapped me out of it.

No human except Clow had ever seen me in my true form. Not ever. Keroberos and the Cards was one thing, but even Clow's friends and family had made me uncomfortable enough to change into my false form before they saw me. Most often I simply avoided them, curling up with a book in my favourite corner of Clow's private study or practicing magic in his lands while the Cards stood watch.

And now Touya was asking to see me.

I sighed. I owed him that much.

My hand dropped back to my side and my wings formed around me, curling me into a cocoon of magic. Clow's circle blazed under my feet, and as my wings fell away to my sides Touya lowered his hand from where it was shielding his eyes.

For a full minute, he just looked at me, attentive eyes taking in my every detail. I was slightly unnerved by the renewed intensity in his gaze, and resisted the urge to fidget. Neither of us spoke.

Then Touya breathed out. He'd been holding his breath all this time?

Hm. Maybe he wasn't all that immune to the moon power, after all.

'……okay,' he whispered. Cleared his throat. 'Okay. Thanks. You can finish now.'

For an absurd moment, I was annoyed that aside from that minuscule revelation he had managed to keep his response to my moon power completely hidden. I would have disliked it if he'd been affected by the power, but was annoyed that he hadn't been.

My mind is a deeply confusing thing at times. Or confused. Either works.

It took only a few seconds before Touya was slumped on the back of the sofa, sleeping deeply.

I had already taken the precaution of flipping through the movie guide, and now I convinced both him and Yukito that they had eaten a dinner and then fallen asleep.

It was a very thoughtful me that went to sleep that night.

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In the morning, when they woke up, Yukito was snuggled up next to Touya, who was curled up on the sofa. I was taken aback to notice that he slept exactly as I did when I was next to Mirror – body angled diagonally, arm slung over the other, head under his neck. I woke up with a faceful of hair in my mouth, and quickly retreated. No sense in being found out right after I'd erased his memory of meeting me.

……wait.

Was that all I'd erased? I know I had intended to erase _all _his memories of me, so why had I……

Yeah, I remembered. He'd just have found out again, it was too much work, right?

I really had to stop lying to myself.

I had completely selfish motives for not erasing all of Touya's memories.

It was why I'd shown him my true form last night. He'd been keeping my secret for over two years – not least, from Yukito himself. He'd discouraged others from prying too deeply into Yukito's phantom past, and Touya had kept him from realising that his life up to Tomoeda had been a huge lie. And in his own subtle, reserved way, he had ensured that when Yukito found out, he would have enough good memories, _real_ ones, to hold up to that realisation.

Touya was, I realised, every bit as protective of Yukito as he was of Sakura.

Protective of Yukito………or protective of me?

It was _me _he was keeping hidden from the world, after all. My cause that he was supporting. Even before he knew who I was, or why I was there.

At a time when it seemed that everything I could think of relying on was turning around and stabbing me in the back, I found some comfort in the idea that there was one person at least who hadn't betrayed me in one way or the other; who had helped me so much with no real reason to. I needed him to know that I was there, even if he didn't know who I was.

Touya was awake by this time, and that familiar dark gaze was fixed on the top of Yukito's head. I knew that look, didn't have to see it to remember it perfectly. It was the Look, the one he sent through Yukito to me, questioning, worried, amused and knowing all at once.

Touya saw me, even if he didn't know what he was seeing.

That was worth something.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Since the rule of the universe is that I can't have twenty-four peaceful hours, I had a huge fight with Watery the very next night.

She barged into my room, already moving as she appeared, and stabbed an accusing finger at me. I had to sit up on the bed or get it in the eye. 'You have some talking to do, mister,' she announced.

I raised a cold eyebrow. 'Really? What about?'

'Windy. She's depressed.'

Mentally, I groaned. I was really not interested in having this conversation. 'So?'

'So? What do you mean, so? Stop being a pig and apologise. I'm tired of all the boo-hooing inside the deck.'

'I have nothing to apologise for. I didn't ask her to play a martyr – didn't ask any of you, for that matter, and I don't need it.'

'Yue, please. Just talk to her!' Watery never said please. 'She misses you. We all do. Even some of Keroberos' cards are worried now.' She hesitated. 'Yue, about the Judgment. Don't judge Sakura so harshly. She doesn't deserve it.'

'Oh, so now you want me to cheat as well? Everybody seems to be asking me that these days.' Except for Touya, a dispassionate part of me noticed. He must have known something, but he hadn't said a word about it.

'I don't want you to be a cheat, I want you to be fair!' she yelled. That finger was back in my face again. I resisted the urge to slap it away. I'd never raised a hand to any of the Cards and I wasn't going to start now. 'She hasn't used the Cards for evil purposes once. In fact, she only uses them in emergencies, she's not half as quick to use them as Clow was. She's collected several special cards, including Mirror, who says hi, by the way, and she won't come because she's trying to cheer Windy up right now. She even captured Glow, and that one doesn't have any magic worth sensing, so she must care about us. You're the Judgment Maker. Can you honestly say that Sakura's failed any of the tests that she's been set before this?' My silence must have answered her question, because she continued. 'Yet you're determined to make her fail. What's the justice in that?'

'Wasn't any in what Clow did either,' I growled.

Watery let out a sharp curse. 'So. You're trying to use the Judgment for your own purposes, so you can forget what you felt for Clow. That's beyond contemptible! You're not even trying to be honest, let alone impartial!'

'I can't afford to be!' I screamed. I was breathing heavily. Watery moved away.

'And now out comes the true reason.' One last time, she tried. 'Windy–'

'I have no interest in talking to anyone. She's on one side, I'm on the other.' I shut my eyes. conversation over.

Not according to Watery. 'Weak,' she hissed.

'What?' I said, opening my eyes.

'Weak. That's what you are You're so afraid to actually go up against Clow's will, you'll do anything to convince yourself that you resisted without actually doing anything. If you were really strong, you'd be fair in the Final Judgment and see what happened next. You're scared your willpower won't be enough to resist Clow's conditioning. You're scared you won't be strong enough to know your own heart. You're scared, so you're going to cheat.'

'And how do you know that what _you _decided when you gave your loyalty to her wasn't influenced by Clow, too?'

'I don't. And we do have free will. I may not be as sophisticated or intelligent as you, Yue, but I've held my own tests for that child and she's passed with flying colours.'

'Tests that Clow suggested to you,' I said coldly.

'No, tests I came up with all by my lonesome. You see, unlike you, Yue, I happen to have a very precious bit of information at my disposal.' Watery leaned very close to me and spoke in my ear. 'Clow Reed isn't omnipotent.'

I moved away. 'I know that.'

'Do you? Truly?' she paused, then roared in my face. 'Then ACT LIKE IT, damn it! Don't just react to what Clow says, come up with your own choices for once!'

'I _am_ acting independently.'

'No, you're _not_. Remember what Clow told us once, when we were in the library, and he was reading that old Sanskrit text? "There are three options to any given situation: you may act, you may not act, or you may act something different." The trouble with you is that you see everything in black and white, Yue. You're so stuck on two possibilities, you can't even imagine that there could be others.' She shook her head furiously. 'Even I know better than that! You're such a fool, Yue!'

Ever the one for the dramatic exit, she vanished.

I sat up the whole night, pondering her words.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

There were so few cards left to capture now. Dream, Dark, Twin, and the three sun-ruled, Sand, Light and Earthy. I had my own suspicions as to why the latter had hidden so long – without Earthy's presence, Keroberos couldn't transform into his true form. The sun-ruled had definitely inherited Clow's twisted sense of humour. Or maybe Earthy was just mad at Keroberos, and this was a refined form of payback.

The evening of Touya and Yukito's football match, Sakura captured Dream. The Card, which had been one of the first to contact me, appeared in my dreams that night to tell me wryly that she had been caught under Sakura's foot by mistake, and consequently sealed by the Li boy. The other Cards the Li held had apparently found it very funny, and had had some gentle fun at her expense. Dream was looking rather harassed when she appeared.

Sand was sealed a few days later – by both Sakura and Li. Even the Card didn't know who had defeated it, but Sakura solved the problem before it could come up by giving it to Li. Honestly, these children were very strange.

Ten days to the full moon.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Touya and Yukito were at the school play. Yukito was smiling, as always.

'They're doing Sleeping Beauty this year. Just like our class did Cinderella last year, right?'

I didn't have to look to know that Touya was slouching in his seat, mortified beyond all belief. Neither did Yukito. The smile grew wider, and if possible, even more cherubic.

'I didn't need to remember that.'

Yukito was positively glowing with innocence.

'Why not? You looked good in that dress.' Touya buried his face in his hand. 'The president of the photography club said that your pictures sold the most.'

'He said _that_?' I tried to think. Had that boy done something to Yukito lately? Or was he just dishing it out on random people now?

'Yep.' With consummate timing, Yukito turned to the stage a millisecond before Touya would have exploded in apoplectic rage. 'I wonder what role Sakura's playing today.'

Touya Glared at him for a few seconds. Yukito simply stared ahead, pretending he didn't notice.

Sometimes I wondered about that boy. Where he got his playfulness from. I certainly wasn't like that. Hadn't been for a long time, since I was a child. But I had never reached the level of artistry that Yukito had. Then again, he focused his teasing entirely on Touya, who was after all deliciously easy to embarrass; in two years, he knew exactly which buttons to push. Even with Sakura, he was the perfect polite high-school boy. He rarely allowed anyone else to see his true self, but Touya could see past that.

On so many levels. Even those Yukito didn't know existed.

I knew just before she did it that Dark was going to act. The stage was plunged into darkness. I wasn't very alarmed. 'Just a power cut, I guess,' Yukito's voice said.

'A……power cut……' Touya echoed, and I could hear the _yeah right_ in his voice. He was worried about Sakura. Sure enough, in a few seconds he said, 'I'm going to check on Sakura,' and he stood up.

'Sit down, Touya,' Yukito said mildly. 'It's not like you can find her in the dark. She'll be just fine.'

He grunted, but obeyed.

I felt it when she sealed Dark. It was a surprise to me later when I heard that she had sealed Light as well, and that the sun-ruled Card had been within her heart since the escape of the cards. So that was why Yukito and I had been able to sense her presence – she'd had a Clow Card inside her all along.

Two Cards to go. Four days to the full moon.

A/N: NO reviews for the last chapter! My few and faithful, why have you deserted me?

Yukito being sneaky, Touya being sneaky……hmm, I do seem to like the manipulative ones, don't I? Two chapters to go!


	8. The flight of an arrow

_**Chapter eight: The flight of an arrow**_

_**Ruling Card: Twin**_

After my fight with Watery, none of the Cards Sakura held had come to see me. Dream took it upon herself to deliver the reports instead, meeting Windy in the dream plane and bringing her messages to me instead.

It was two days after Sakura captured Twin and that strange Chinese girl had returned home. Yukito had gone to sleep early, wanting to be at his best for the archery contest the next day. I was rather looking forward to it. I was quite sleepy myself as I waited for Dream.

She came a few minutes after midnight. The Card who looked so much like me was looking uncharacteristically serious. 'I have a dream for you, Yue,' were her first words.

Dream never used those particular words unless she was acting in her official capacity; she was the only one among us who could foretell the future. Clow had offered to give me that power, but I had declined firmly. There were some powers I was better off not having.

'Is it from Clow?' a shake of her head, long white hair flipping from side to side. 'Windy or the others?' another shake.

'Clow has nothing to do with this.'

'All right, then, let me see it,' I said. Dream's aura flared for a second before she removed her hood, revealing deep green eyes. Looking into them, I fell forward into eternity.

Since I was the Moon Guardian, after all, I could still feel Dream with me, invisible but present. _It's not so much a dream as it is……a doorway, _her soft voice said. _It is time for you to see this. The path of fate demands it._

In the darkness, someone else. A boy. He's looking at me with clear amber eyes that I've looked at the world through.

Yukito?

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

'Yukito?' That's not my voice. My voice is smooth and confident. It doesn't shake.

If I sounded shaky, he sounded completely stunned. 'Wh-who are you?'

'I-I……' I stammered. I knew this was a dream, but meeting what was essentially my own body was surreal. 'I'm Yue. The Moon Guardian.'

'_Your other self,_' Dream said quietly from behind me. I didn't need to look to know that the Card was standing there.

The scene changed abruptly. Sakura was trapped in my vines, choking as they covered her face.

Another change. It was full moon, night; and I was watching……myself……kneeling on the ground. Tokyo Tower loomed in the background as my other self threw his head back and let out a piercing scream of anguish.

And then the dream fell away and I was standing in Yukito's bedroom again.

'What……?' I said slowly. 'Dream, what does that mean?'

She gave me a peculiar smile, glowing slightly. The vision was still gripping her. 'You should know.'

'Stop being cryptic, Dream,' I snapped. The smile only widened.

'I'll tell you, Yue. But are you sure you want to know?'

'Stupid question.' I was impatient.

Dream sighed. 'Yue. Who is Yukito?'

I had no answer. He was not a false form, nor was he independent enough to be called a separate person. He was……well, he was Yukito……and I hadn't ever thought about what he was, being content to define him by what he wasn't.

'You have until the rising of the full moon to find out what the answer is, Yue. If you fail, you will lose everything you seek. The door has been opened.' Dream's body stopped glowing, and she was normal again. 'There was one more word. I couldn't understand it. Maybe you do.'

'What is it?'

'Janus.'

'Janus,' I said, tasting the word. It was familiar, but I couldn't place it. 'Thank you, Dream.'

Dream's eyebrows creased worriedly. 'Take care, Yue.'

After she left, I thought about it for a while. The vision had been cryptic at best. And Janus – the ancient god of time. A trap in time for me? I didn't understand it at all. And the door. The full moon. I only had one day to figure it out.

I lay in the bed, thinking, until the sky had begun to grow lighter and I reluctantly let go of my control and slept.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

My late night made me tired enough that I slept well into the day, only waking when Yukito's consciousness began to draw power from me. It was almost commonplace to me now to feel him doing that, and he was certainly doing it more often than he used to.

It was the first time he was competing against other archers on this level. For the first few rounds, Yukito was quite relaxed, and using only his power. As time went by and it became more difficult, he drew more and more. I could almost feel the conduit of power extending from my consciousness to his, growing stronger and stronger until it was almost self-supporting.

Finally, during a resting period, Yukito headed over to a nearby restroom. He was washing his hands. It was quite normal – except that the next moment, the conduit that linked us went wildly out of control. I felt a blinding pain pierce me, and apparently Yukito felt it too.

_What the-_

_What was that?_

_Who said that?_

_I can hear you?_

_Who are you?_

This was when I realised that yes, I was talking to Yukito, and yes, he could hear me.

We let out twin yelps of undignified surprise, and Yukito took several instinctive steps back.

I reflected dryly that I was perhaps the only person in the world he would never be able to run away from.

_Yukito?_ I said tentatively. He was shaking, obviously doubting his own sanity. _It's all right. I'm really here. You're not hearing things. _

_What? Who are you?_ Was he speaking aloud as well? I couldn't hear.

_I'm……_how was I supposed to say this without convincing Yukito to lock himself in a padded room? I decided to take a gamble. _Yue. My name is Yue. _

_I know you. _Yukito sounded thoughtful. He was taking this quite well._ I know that name I've dreamt of you as long as I can remember. Yue. Are you the winged one or are you the man with the glasses?_

I sucked in a sharp breath. Yukito dreamt of me? Of Clow? But he shouldn't have been able to do that……then again, Yukito had broken all the rules so far. _I would be the winged one. That strange energy you've been using for the last year? It's mine._

_How do you – but I – _Yukito was breathing deep, trying to calm himself. He succeeded, and then spoke again. _You're right. I've been feeling some strange power in me for a while. That's you?_

_That's me_. I allowed myself a second of satisfaction. That was easy.

_Ah, yes. _Yukito definitely believed me now. _But why are you talking to me now?_

The announcer declared the beginning of the next round over the loudspeaker. Yukito walked out to resume the competition.

_Keep talking, Yue,_ he said.

_Are you kidding? You'll never win if I'm distracting you. Now shut up and focus. _And I receded into the back of his mind.

_I'm pleased to know you care about me that much, _he said, and I could feel his falsely innocent smile in those words just before their meaning registered and I began to splutter helplessly.

He'd just played me! Me!

_Damn it_, I groaned, exasperated, and his smile grew wider for a second before it was lost in the clear focus.

The afternoon wore on, and Yukito kept winning. He was getting tired, though, and it wasn't physical – that was something I could help with. He had practiced a lot for this, and he had talent and training, but the sheer intensity of the competition was getting to him. I hoped his hands wouldn't start shaking – the first sign of either tension or fatigue.

_I'm tired_, Yukito thought.

_It's only a little longer,_ I said encouragingly. He nodded imperceptibly and kept going.

But Yukito wasn't made as tough as I. As arrow after arrow flew to its target, each landing perfectly matched, he grew quietly weary.

Yukito went all the way to the finals – where he was facing, of all people, that Mizuki woman.

Apparently her record had been as perfect as his. I sighed. There was no way she could miss the moon energy flying around Yukito. Even that brat Keroberos (whom I could sense was here) had to have noticed, though he would be distracted by Mizuki's presence. I hoped.

The traditional meditation before the contest began. Then I had an idea. _Let me play this round for you. _

_That would be cheating, _Yukito said, shocked.

_Not really, _I shrugged. _I've been within you all these years. In many ways, you could say that I _am_ you. Or that you're me._ I felt a little pang at my half-truth, but it didn't matter. If Dream's prediction was true, he would find out the whole truth soon enough. _Besides, it's not like that Mizuki woman isn't using her magic to strengthen her. You'll control the trajectory. It'll be you that fires every single arrow. Just……through my strength._

_All right._ And Yukito, who somehow knew precisely what to do, slipped into the observer's place where I usually was, and I took over.

There was no dislocation this time, no disorientation, and I was certainly not overwhelmed by whatever emotion Yukito was feeling. At the moment, he was worried, hopeful, alive with anticipation. _I can feel your emotions, _Yukito said wonderingly.

_Really?_ _What do you feel?_

_Anxious. You're really looking forward to this match, I can feel that. and you're……happy about something. _

I wondered why he'd thought that.

_You've been here, _Yukito said quietly. _Always. Haven't you?_

_As long as you've been alive, yes. _

_I knew that. _He sounded contemplative. _Yes, I knew you were there. It's good to meet you, Yue. It's been a while, hasn't it?_

I was struck speechless. But then the time was up, and the match had to begin, and I seized the bow, grateful for the distraction. The quiet amusement Yukito felt told me that that emotion had registered, too.

This, apart from my wings, was what I had missed most. Wood bending in my hands, eyes fixed, breathing and heart rate controlled. Not as good as my own bow, but the next best thing.

_I can see everything from here, _Yukito marveled. _Is this what it's like for you? _

_Mmm. _

_You know, you even sound a lot like me. _That smile again. I could hear it.

_Well, that's not surprising. Now shush, and think about what you're doing. _I stepped up next to the Mizuki woman.

A flicker of surprise crossed her eyes, though no one else would have noticed. Of course. She knew the difference between my energy and Yukito's.

_Yukito says hi, _I shot to her mind. Her eyes narrowed.

Yukito, fumbling slightly to control a body that was both under his control and not, directed his/my arms to the correct position. His/my eyes judged the distance and then he directed his/my arm to fire. The arrow hit the target dead-on.

We were evenly matched. The first four rounds ended with identical scores. The fifth time, she flinched ever so slightly before she fired, and the arrow went wild. I let Yukito slip back into control and receded to my usual place. What had she felt? Keroberos, probably.

'Congratulations!' Sakura and Li said, and Yukito smiled as always, changed back into his normal clothing.

'Thanks, but that was……' His smile slipped a little.

_That was _you, _Yukito,_ I said firmly. _Not me. You only borrowed my strength to do it. The skill and talent was all yours._ He shrugged and sat down to eat.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

'Well, this is a coincidence,' Yukito said cheerfully to Touya, who was wearing a bear costume and holding balloons. How he could have any self-esteem left after that, I didn't know.

'There are no coincidences in this world,' Touya said, eyes fixed on the woman.

'There is only the inevitable,' she replied. An unreadable look passed between them.

Touya left, and then Sakura remembered that she'd forgotten her beret and we all went to look for it. _Ask her what happened with the last shot? _I requested Yukito.

'Did something bother you, at the end of the match today?'

'Mm. I felt someone watching over me.'

'Watching?'  
'Yes.' Kaho looked conflicted, and I smirked, recognising that look. She was going to tell Yukito about me. Well, then, she was in for a surprise. 'Yukito, you……'

And then I felt the aura of a Clow Card. Mizuki felt it too, just before the earth began to quake. Earthy! The last Card was _here_ all the time?

To someone who didn't know, the Card must have appeared to be an earthquake. The earth was cracking and shaking and people were running everywhere. Spires of earth shot up to the sky, taller than the buildings, as Earthy reared up in her elemental form.

I wondered whether to tell Yukito what was going on, but that would be interfering in a capture, however insignificant Yukito's contribution might be. So I just waited for events to play out.

The camera girl, the one who always taped the captures, was thrown into Yukito's arms by the force of the next quake. Yukito called out to Sakura, desperate, but then I felt her using a Clow Card. Sleep, I realised, when Yukito's eyes closed immediately. Unfortunately, the Card was one of Keroberos', and without any warning, or control of my body, I couldn't resist either.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I was still under the effects of Sleep when I felt a tug at my magic, insistent. My eyes opened. Sakura was writing her name on the last Card. That was the only thing that could awaken me unless Sleep had decided to be nice for once.

So be it, then. It was time. Time to finish this.

I let my wings come out and wrap around me, lifting my body up, off the ground.

And for the third time, I was myself in this new world.

I looked at my brother, disconsolate despite his regained powers. 'It's been a while, Keroberos.'

I waited, patiently, emotionlessly, as Keroberos slowly put the pieces together. I wasn't all that surprised that he hadn't known who I was within. I was sure by now that Clow had blocked some of his power away, made him unable to sense me as easily as he should have. The Mizuki woman's moon magic had served my cause for once, keeping Keroberos distracted while I had continued my observation undetected. Sakura grew steadily confused until she finally broke in, bewildered, asking what it meant.

I floated forward to meet her, towering three times as high as her tiny frame. 'When I lack magical powers, I can't change back into my original form.' I conveniently neglected to mention exactly how long I'd been able to do so.

I leaned down, staring into her eyes. I could sense the fear Sakura was radiating even without reading her aura. She was looking for Yukito within me, searching for him. 'It is the first time I meet you in this form. O candidate for mastery of the Clow Cards, chosen by Kerberos the Selector.' I could see her aura clearly now. What I had heard was true. She did have the potential to be as powerful as Clow was.

But the Judgment tested strength, skill and knowledge, not the potential for them.

She called out Yukito's name. I could have told her it was futile, but I didn't bother. Instead, I looked at the Li, who was standing behind her. 'However, it seems that there is another who holds the Cards. For someone who could not gather all the Clow Cards by herself, the Final Judgement is a waste of time.'

The Li boy stiffened.

'No!' Keroberos said angrily. 'I believe that Sakura will be able to do something about you!'

'You still are too easy on them,' I snorted.  
'And YOU still seem to have a mean personality.'

_Sticks and stones, Keroberos……_I shot at him as I rose above them. I already knew what I was going to do. 'Then we will begin the Final Judgment. First.'

Effortlessly, I trapped the Li boy in a hypnosis spell. His eyes turned vacant and he floated up to a nearby rooftop under my influence. His eyes cleared slowly, and I waited until he was fully lucid before I spoke. 'I, Yue the judge, will now conduct the Last Judgement. Using all the Clow Cards in your hands, defeat me.'

He clearly hadn't expected that, and he expected the next thing I did even less. I concentrated briefly, and crystal energy shards formed in my hand. I flung them at him, smirking inwardly. This was going to be too easy. He covered his face instinctively. I felt Sakura try to break through my barrier; heard Keroberos stop her just as the Li boy raised his sword and called his magic forth. Fire shot from his ward paper and covered me. I nearly laughed and annulled the flames before they touched me, not bothering to extinguish the others – giving him a moment of false hope. The boy fell into my trap, wondering whether he had defeated me.

I let the flames clear and stared down at him. 'You cannot defeat me with such a thing,' I said. Truthfully, I felt insulted. Did he really think that parlour tricks like these would have any effect on me? The next set of crystals I attacked him with had more force and feeling behind them. He hit me with wind, an equally feeble effort. Then I moved in on him, striking him several times. Martial artist or no, he stood no chance against my speed and strength. 'I'm surprised you could capture any Cards at all with just that much magic.'

Then the foolish boy used Time. A moon-ruled Card. On me. Oddly enough, Time tried to resist me for a second before the Card's innate nature took over and I subdued it. Did that mean that Time had accepted the Li boy as master? I shrugged the thought aside and used Time's power against the Li boy, streaking behind him so fast that he didn't know where I was. 'Time is under my jurisdiction,' I said, freezing him in his tracks. 'This seems to be the end.'

I felt a moment of cold satisfaction at the defeat I saw in his eyes before I struck him one last time, sending him flying off the rooftop and out of the barrier.

My personal triumph over the Lis.

Ah, well, the boy didn't have the power to handle the Cards even if he could defeat me. I watched as Sakura ran over to him,

'Now we will have the official candidate.'

This time it was Sakura whose eyes glazed over. She drifted to a nearby building. I landed on a beam of Tokyo Tower, watching her. When she snapped out of the spell, she still looked dazed, as if she had just realised something of paramount importance.

It didn't matter.

I cast a second invisible spell, opening my mind to the Cards as I spoke. 'Cards created by Clow. There is one wishing to become your master. A girl chosen by Kerberos the Selector. Her name is Sakura.' I looked at the girl. She had never looked less warriorlike, more vulnerable, than she did at this moment. Her staff, the one Clow had made, shone with light. She nearly dropped it in her surprise.

I could feel the Cards listening.

'To see if she is truly worthy of being our master, I, Yue the Judge, will now conduct the Final Judgment.'

She mouthed my words, horrified.

Far below me, outside the barrier, I could hear snatches of conversation through my connection to Keroberos. The camera girl asked whether Yukito knew he wasn't human, and I listened as Keroberos said, 'No, that's not the case. Yue is the judge. He completely cut all ties between his disguise and his consciousness, so the candidate wouldn't sense him until the Last Judgement.'

_Oh, if you only knew,_ I thought with dark amusement before I wrenched myself away from them and back to my duty. I was ready and so was she.

'Candidate for the new Master of the Clow Cards,' I addressed her formally. This was the real Judgment, the serious one. At the same time, I reached out to the Cards, and they left Sakura obediently, forming a protective layer around her. I focused a part of myself on them. _Cards created by Clow. Do you accept this candidate as a potential for Master of the Clow Cards?_

The reply returned immediately – _yes_ – in forty-four voices.

So everything now rested upon Sakura.

'Now use the Clow Cards that you obtained and defeat me.'

She cried out that she couldn't, but I had no time to listen. 'Jump,' I commanded her. A summons. She repeated the word in a trance, striking the Card with her staff. She leaped from rooftop to rooftop, landing in a graceless heap a few metres away from me. She gasped out that she wouldn't fight me, that I was still Yukito.

I attacked her with my crystal shards and she ran, using Fly to escape from me. I followed her effortlessly, hitting her with my power, slamming her into the tower struts. Her reflexes were slowed by her humanity and her emotion, and she stood no chance against me. I felt curiously detached from myself, as if my body was acting independently. A part of me protested that she was only a child, that I was being too harsh; but she had Power, and Fight, and Sword with her; she could easily fight me if she chose to. If she was weak, one way or another, she would fail; and weakness of the emotions was the greatest weakness of all.

I could write a book about that.

She tried to use Wood against me, not wanting to hurt her precious Yukito. I heard Keroberos' panicked shout even as I turned the Card back on her, imprisoning her in a net of vines.

'Wood is a Card under the moon,' I said scornfully. Didn't she know the very basics of magic? 'You didn't even know that much? Then this is it. You have lost.The seal of the Cards will be released once again. And the catastrophe will befall this world.'

She protested, panicked denial as she realised what the catastrophe I spoke of truly was, struggling to free herself from the vines that trapped her. She nearly succeeded, so strong was the rush of fear and adrenalin in her. I raised an eyebrow.  
'To think you would try to undo the magic that was reflected back to you. But I won't lose to someone like you.' I spoke the next words coldly, hurting myself as much as I hurt her. 'Only Clow Reed can defeat me.' And he was dead, gone, he had abandoned us and made us make such difficult decisions, such sacrifices, and for what? The satisfaction of a selfish desire that he could not even explain properly.

The vines spread over her, trapping her, concealing her from view. 'Everyone will forget the people they love,' I said flatly, activating the spell.

'Forget.'

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Sakura never noticed the effect my spell had, being the first to go under its influence. A wave of darkness extended from my hands, washing over everyone in the clearing, tendrils flying off to Tomoeda, erasing memories from Sakura's friends who weren't here, from her father as well. And within the square……

Keroberos. The Li boy. The camera girl. Near them, Touya, from his hidden perch. Sakura. And finally, the Cards themselves.

Its targets achieved, the spell returned to my hand and blind me to Clow. I relaxed, breathing out. An end to pain.

But it didn't stop there. Quick as light, before I could even wonder what it was doing, the spell reached into my own eyes as well, seeking out Yukito's consciousness. I struggled, but it was too late.

Everything was finished.

A/N: one long chapter to go. I'll post that up in a couple of days. Thanks to my reviewers! Didaskaleinophobia - tears stop yet? Or are you trying not to kill me for stopping here?

Niru


	9. Nor bends with the remover

_**Chapter nine: Nor bends with the remover**_

_**Ruling Card: Change.**_

To-ya was waiting for me when I came down to breakfast.

I smile cheerfully at him. That one-second grin flickered over his face, but there was warmth in his eyes that belied his stern features.

'Hey, Yue,' he said, ruffling my hair affectionately. I shivered.

Why did that name ring so untrue? Yue was my name, the only one I'd ever had. So why did it sound so unnatural, as if I'd expected some other name there?

Or expected him to react very differently to my presence?

I shook it off.

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_I could see him now. The man in front of me. The other man. The man from the dreams, the one with glasses._

'_What's your name?' I asked with a sort of mild curiosity. _

'_My name is Clow Reed. I created Yue. And you, too. I was the one who sent you to Tomoeda, who gave you a life, who implanted false memories in you until you could make some of your own.'_

'_Created? You mean I'm……' I couldn't make myself say it. Not human. He must have read my thoughts, because he looked troubled._

'_Yukito, you may be created, and you certainly do not suffer from many of the disadvantages that we humans have to face. Still, I believe that in your heart and your mind, you are human, and that is what matters, is it not?'_

_With the strange wisdom that comes in dreams, I nodded. I would deal with this later._

'_The spell cast at the end of the Final Judgment had an unexpected effect,' he told me seriously. 'It is meant to make everyone under its influence live in a world where they have no emotion towards those they love most. You are a part of Yue, but you developed a separate personality. Also, your most important person is not Yue's. So he's seeing a world where he forgot everything he loved and loves.' _

_And I? What am I seeing? I wondered. I didn't feel any different. Nothing was happening to me that I could notice. _

'_Where is he?' I said. _

'_Yue……is in a different world,' Clow answered evasively._

_A shimmering panel opened in the dark space between the stars where we stood. I could see someone there, someone who looked exactly like me, except for his pale blue eyes and long white hair._

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All day, I couldn't get rid of a feeling of nagging unreality. My classes went past me in a blur, and I was inattentive, my thoughts wandering erratically. By evening, I was dizzy and disoriented.

Something was wrong. Something was very wrong. For a while, I thought it might be Sakura, but the feeling wasn't coming from my bond with her. To-ya suspected that I might be as strong a psychic as he was or even stronger, although he insisted that my…talents…lay in different directions than his; still, I always knew when Sakura was going to knock on the door, just as I always knew which corner of the school To-ya was brooding in. After she had met that Li brat from Hong Kong, Sakura's feelings towards me had become more platonic as she grew out of her child's crush. It had altered my connection with her…

What?

'Yue? Are you all right?' To-ya looked worried. I tried to look happy for his sake, but I couldn't help feeling strange. That name……how did he……

'How do you know my name?'

I didn't realise that I'd spoken out loud until I heard To-ya's incredulous snort. 'Are you ill?'

'I guess I am,' I said, frowning. 'I didn't even know I was saying that out loud.'

'Hm. Get some rest. You sound like you need it.'

'I haven't seen Sakura around,' I said, trying to change the subject.

'Don't worry, your charge is fine.' One of our little in-jokes. To-ya insisted that I was more of a brother to her than he was, and he had once suggested that I was her guardian angel. She'd taken to the idea with the enthusiasm of a child, and it had become a favourite subject for him to tease me about, even three years later. 'She's got a school holiday today, remember? She's on a hike with Tomoyo and that brat of a boyfriend of hers, as you would have discovered if you ever woke up a minute before you absolutely have to.' I grimaced. 'She's fourteen, she can handle herself; besides, she's got Kero with her. Of course, I can't vouch for what might happen _because _of him, but anything else should be well within their ability to handle. That dog's a monster, after all. I don't know why she even picked him up at the pound. And if he weren't so loyal to her I'd have thrown him out with the trash the day she brought him home.'

I grinned lopsidedly. 'I guess I'll go lie down, then. See you later.'

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'_Kero?' I said. 'Who's Kero?' Not a dog. He was a……he was……not a dog. But…?_

_Clow shot me a sharp look. It reminded me of ……someone's. 'The dreams you've had for the last year should have shown you more by now.'_

'_No, I can't remember……' could I? I thought deeply, but the images, the ideas, the knowledge slipped through my fingers like water. I shrugged and said 'No.'_

_Clow looked slightly disappointed. From his reactions, it sounded as if I should know the name, but I simply couldn't summon up those memories. I couldn't create the energy to think, or the determination. Keroberos._

'_You really don't remember?' Clow pressed. _

'_I don't know,' I sighed, my hand reaching out to the screen where I could see Yue. _

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The night was no better. There was a full moon, and I went up to the roof to bask in its light, an old habit I was fond of. After a while, as always, I began to wonder where I had come from. To-ya and Sakura had found me on the riverbank after a flood, with no memories and nothing on my person to give any clue as to my origins. After a year and a half, the police had given up. As far as anyone knew, I really was the angel To-ya called me. To-ya and Sakura's father had taken guardianship of me initially, and that had worked out well enough that nobody had really wanted to change it. Besides, although I had no memory of attending high school, the police had estimated my age as seventeen when I was found, which made me old enough to choose where I lived. And if I'd decided anything else, I was quite sure Sakura and To-ya would have been hurt, and that was unthinkable.

I hated not knowing where I came from. Sometimes, late at night, in restless dreams, I saw flashes of events that I could swear were memories, though what they showed was imaginative at best. A tall man with long silky black hair and blue eyes filled with laughter and sorrow; a golden lion wearing jeweled armour, of all things; a woman with long green hair and deep eyes; firelight, warmth, laughter and play-fights; deep, heartbreaking grief; an ancient house filled with secrets; most disturbingly, at the periphery of my vision, I had always felt the presence of two giant wings. I had told To-ya about these dreams, half-expecting him to laugh in my face and call me mad; instead, he had nodded solemnly and said that sometimes, he could see things from other worlds too. His calm explanations about his own abilities had helped far more than my hysterical thoughts about these dreams.

But I simply couldn't piece them together. The memories were fractured, broken, and nothing, not even hypnotherapy, had allowed me to retrieve them. The therapist stopped abruptly after a few sessions, declaring that he would be unable to help me unless I truly wanted him to; apparently I had told him, while deep in a trance, that I was unwilling and incapable of retrieving those memories. The unnerved look on his face when he said goodbye made me suspect that I had done more than that, but there was no sound on the tape of the session other than an eerie crackling and my own voice speaking those same words in a tone I could barely recognise. And there had been a feather on the floor of the room……though the therapist hadn't had a bird in there. _Wings?_

And as much as I laughed and teased and was the perfectly-adjusted boy to the rest of the world, those blanks in my memory were slowly eating away at what I did know. At some dangerous moments, I almost found myself wishing that I could delude myself into believing I had a past instead of being born full-grown, so to speak. I had no memory of learning, or playing……or being loved in any way at all, before Sakura and To-ya had fished me out of the river.

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'_What is it you want me to recall?' I asked Clow. 'I know you have something very specific you want me to remember. What is it? Why does it matter to you?'_

'_It's not what I want you to remember, it's what remembering will make you realise.' _

'_You're being cryptic,' I accused. _

'_You're correct,' he smiled. It was a dazzling smile. Silence fell for a while. I watched Yue think. He didn't look very happy._

'_Yue loved you,' I said thoughtfully. 'Didn't he?'_

_Clow drew in a sharp breath. 'How did you guess that?'_

'_It's only logical. If Yue's with someone you think I should remember, then I must be with the one who matters to _him_.'_

'_Correct,' he said with some respect. _

'_Who am I, Clow?' I asked point-blank. _

'_I'm sorry, I can't tell you that.'_

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I was just about to go back into the house when I heard someone coming up the stairs and through my bedroom. I smiled and turned to see To-ya coming out to meet me.

'Are you all right?' he said gruffly.

'Of course I am,' I said.

'Liar. I could feel you getting cranky all the way across town. I left my job early to come see you, so you better be grateful to the tone of a couple of hundred yen.'

My shoulders slumped. 'I can't fool you, can I?'

'You never could. You can't even play bluff to save your life.'

I smiled weakly. 'All right, I'm not okay.'

'Thinking about the past.' I didn't have to reply. He knew. 'Damn it, Yue–'

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

'_Yuki,' I said, the word falling from my mouth as unconsciously as one spoken while dreaming. Clow turned from the screen to look at me. _

'_What did you say?' _

'_Yuki,' I said, puzzled. 'I can't think why I said that. It doesn't mean anything.'_

'_It's your name.'_

'_Not exactly. My name's Yukito. Nobody calls me Yuki.' But that wasn't right……_

'_Really?' Clow said. What did he know that I didn't? I would have asked him if I thought it would do me any good. 'Don't you see what's happening, Yukito?'_

'_No,' I said, frowning, trying to think. None of this made any sense. _

'_Yue, he's a magical being. For him to forget his feelings of love, affection, caring, I had to change his past entirely. I had to remove the Cards, his fellow Guardian, myself……even you, Yukito, could not have followed him into this spell. I am only allowed one exemption, you see; as for Yue, well, he has others looking after him. I am sorry that you have to do this, be stranded here with me. But you know, as much as he may deny it, Yue cares for you too.'_

'_I know,' I said. The voice that had spoken to me so briefly, the being that had lent me his strength – there had been caring there, friendship, even love of a sort. _

_But Yue wasn't the one bothering me right now. _

'_This other boy.' I reached out to the screen, my hand almost touching his face. Those eyes. That voice. 'I know him.' _

Yuki……

Are you sure you don't want a super-sized one?

You! What the hell are you doing to my sister!

Before I forget. Show me what you look like?

There are no coincidences in this world.

_That voice. I shook my head, trying to clear it of the cotton wool that seemed to fill it. I didn't know his name, but _

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

'-why does it bother you so much? Isn't what you have now enough?'

I bowed my head, feeling the moonlight on the sensitive back of my neck. 'It couldn't be worse than this,' I said softly.

To-ya froze. 'What is that supposed to mean?'

'Not the way you think,' I said hastily. 'Not you, and not Sakura. You mean the world to me. But the rest of it. Why don't I want to remember? Did something horrible happen to me? Was it something I did? I don't know, and I keep filling the blanks; and some of the answers I imagine are so bad I can't face them. There's so much affection and – and love in those memories. I know in my _bones _how much it would take to destroy that, to forget that. If I did, it must be……'

'Shhh,' To-ya said, holding me tight. 'Don't be stupid, Yue. You wouldn't hurt a fly, much less people you care for, and from your dreams you must have cared for them all a lot. The only thing this kind of thought will bring you is a nervous breakdown.'

'It hurts,' I said into his chest.

'Yeah, I know.' I was suddenly reminded that he could feel others' feelings as if they were his own and tried to pull back, tried to insulate him from my emotions, but he wouldn't let me.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

_I watched Clow watch the screen as the boy, whose name Yue still hadn't spoken, drew him into a kiss. The pain in deep blue eyes spelled it out clearer than moonlight. Yue's love hadn't been unrequited. So what had happened?_

'_I died,' Clow said. I started. Had he read my mind?_

'_No, just your expression,' he said, turning to face me. 'I died. Strictly speaking, I could have lingered on for centuries more, but I was tired, and there is only so much man should resist time and natural law; only so long one can live before being alive becomes bitterness and cynicism rather than joy and wisdom. If I had lived much longer, the power I held would have overwhelmed me and I would have lost the purity of purpose with which I made the Cards and their Guardians. Yue never understood why I chose so. The moon is eternal, after all – or at least the force it embodies is.' _

'_The moon,' I said in wonder. There had been a full moon once, and a small crumpled form in a dark rose trench coat lying on the hard ground and pain shooting through my leg, and a strong, tanned, sympathetic arm that had kept me upright all the way home, never allowing any weight to fall on my injured leg, while his familiar deep voice grumbled about how idiotic Sakura and I were and that we needed a keeper –_

'_To-ya,' I whispered. 'Sakura.'_

_Clow's eyes were fixed on mine, intent, waiting. _

_The spell broke._

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I broke the kiss after a while, pulling away from To-ya. His depthless eyes held mine, and somewhere in them I found the answer.

'It doesn't matter,' I said quietly.

'Hmm?'

'It doesn't matter what there is to find,' I said quietly. 'If this life I had mattered so much to me, I want to know it. In those dreams, it wasn't all pain, there was joy and comfort and mischief as well. I don't want to forget all that. I loved that life, To-ya. I can't just leave it behind because something in it hurt me. If I ever knew something so deep that I would take such extreme measures to forget it…' I was talking almost to myself now, my arms folded over my knees and my head laid sideways on them. 'Then I don't want to lose it. Because if I ignore everything……I won't have anything left to mark things up against, to compare, to create new dimensions in myself. I want it all, the pleasure and the pain together – I don't want to be – to be split like this, it's a half-life and I'm sick of it. I want to remember.'

_Forget._

'Happy or sad, I need to know what it is I've lost.'

_Everyone will forget the people they love._

I looked up at the cold moon. 'The past shapes us. The past creates us. Without it I am incomplete.'

_Forget._

'More than anything, I want to know. Then I can face the pain and savour the pleasure and let go or hold on as I please. Don't mistake what I'm saying – I love this life of mine. But I can't run away any more. I won't.'

To-ya pulled away from me and gave me a warm smile. 'Well done, Yue.'

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_I trembled as memories shot through me, real memories, important ones. The archery contest. The literary fest that To-ya and I attended; the Tomoeda quiz rally; the carnival; the summer festival. The school play; vacation with the Kinomotos; the accident at the aquarium. _

_Faster now, they flew. _

_Junior year. Meeting Sakura; meeting To-ya. _

_There were no memories of the time before I came to Tomoeda. I flinched slightly. I would have to deal with my false memories, but not now. Now, I had to pay attention, carefully, because I was only going to see this once._

_There was a wrenching sense of dislocation, and then I felt other memories, memories of – myself? – with long hair and strange clothing. Clow was in those. A flash of insight. I was seeing memories of Yue's life. The dreams with the gaps filled in. _

_They faded, and I dropped weakly to the not-ground, shaking with the overload of information. My life flashed before me, I thought and chuckled even if it wasn't remotely funny. _

_But why was I shown Yue's memories?_

_Unless –_

'_You remember,' Clow said, sounding satisfied. 'Do you know now?'_

_Slowly, I looked up at him. It seemed to take forever before my amber locked with his blue. _

_I nodded. 'Send me home, Clow.'_

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'What?' I said.

'You've figured it out,' he said. 'Wake up, Yue. It's time.'

'What are you–'

And suddenly Mirror was there, as if she had been there all along, though that was ridiculous, because I would have sensed her, since she was a Card after all –

Card? Mirror? What was this? Who was this woman? Why was – why wasn't I panicking?

In her hands, she held a large mirror, and she raised it to my face.

I gazed in it, and saw……myself?

But my eyes weren't blue, they were amber, and my hair, my unique hair, was darker and shorter than the length that streamed down my back.

My reflection smiled and reached a hand out to me. 'Wake up, Yue,' my reflection echoed To-ya.

Locked in indecision, I simply stared at it.

A bell rang, and the world shivered around me. Again and again it rang, and the house, the moon, Mirror and To-ya began to disintegrate. Only the reflection remained steady.

'Come on, you can do it,' the other encouraged me.

'Yu…ki…to?' I said hesitantly.

He smiled. 'That's right.'

Janus. The god of time……with two faces. Clow had relied on my classical education to tell me what I needed to know, and I had very nearly forgotten the most important detail.

So Yukito……was……

I reached out and took his hand, and the world dissolved around me.

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The vines burst apart, and Sakura was revealed.

I started, disoriented from the shock of too many revelations. I had almost forgotten what had happened before the spell took over.

The Mizuki woman was there, holding the bell Clow had designed. As I watched, it shimmered and faded. Its purpose was over, after all.

She hadn't lied. The bell wasn't just meant to wake Sakura.

The girl was facing me again, now. Her eyes glinted with determination. 'It's too sad to see a world where your feelings for the person you care about most are gone! I'll do my best right now! I know it will be all right.'

It was almost anticlimactic when her staff transformed into its new shape. The one that would best symbolise Sakura herself. Flashes of light lit the sky like a meteor shower. The sheer power she had expended in the transformation left me stunned.

'What is this?' I said wonderingly.

'A new power,' Mizuki replied.

I hadn't expected that, but I didn't know why. Sakura was – is – nothing like Clow. Of course their powers wouldn't be rooted in the same elements. The light of the stars. Quite appropriate for her. Sakura pulled Windy from her deck. 'Wind, trap the one before me. Windy!'

Hadn't she learned yet? None of the moon-ruled can ever touch me without my permission.

'Useless,' I scoffed. 'Windy serves under me–'

The Card raced to trap me before I could retaliate. I heard her whisper 'Sorry, Yue,' before she bound me securely in her magic. I may have cried out in shock as she wrapped her power around my limbs and dropped me to the deck, helpless against her.

I had lost.

Well, good.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I knelt before Sakura. My new mistress. All I had to do was formally acknowledge her as such. It was a humiliating pose, one I had never been reduced to in all my life, but right now I was too relieved to care.

'You must have loved Clow very much,' were her first words. My eyes widened. How had she guessed that? It was impossible. I had never – there was no – 'Then, you should understand that forgetting about the person you care about the most would be a very sad thing. I'm still a child, and I'm not as powerful as Clow was, but I'll do my best. And I would rather be your friend than your mistress.' She reached out a hand to me, but I didn't take it. I had been defeated, not destroyed. I stood up by myself.

'Close your eyes,' I commanded. There was one last thing to do. Clow had left a message for the next master of the cards, and I had to deliver it. She stared at me blankly. I resisted the urge to tap my feet or snap at her. 'Close them,' I said impatiently, and she obeyed.

'The Judgment is complete. I, Yue, acknowledge Sakura as our new Master.' Gently, so gently that she probably didn't even feel it, I touched her with my magic, transferring the message to her. Her eyes closed as she drifted down to her friends under my delicate guidance.

I knew she was talking to Clow, and I felt a moment of jealousy before I sighed and let go of it. Clow was dead, there was no coming back, and that was all there was to say on that subject between that moment and eternity.

Oh, how I would regret thinking that.

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I watched her celebrate with her friends, Keroberos beside me in his true form.

'So Sakura's our mistress now,' he said. He sounded happy.

Then again, it didn't take much to make the brat happy.

'She doesn't have enough power to maintain all of the Cards and the guardians.' There, that was a nice job of pouring cold water on him. And on myself.

'True,' Keroberos admitted. 'Well, it looks like we should stay in our guardian forms a while longer.' I nodded.

Clow had said that I would die. Well, to quote a certain someone, all I could do at this point was hope that everything would be all right.

I changed back into Yukito.

It was different this time. I could still feel my connection to Yukito even when I wasn't physically there and he wasn't drawing power from me.

_What happened? _He said, sounding slightly dazed. _I saw you in the mirror and then –_

_Don't worry about it,_ I said. _Everything turned out just fine. _And it had. It really had.

I could feel the moon user nearby, standing with Touya. There was a situation I was going to deal with again, but not now.

I retreated from Yukito's mind, and he saw Sakura and waved happily.

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It was night, and Yukito and I had returned home soon after the Final Judgment.

Touya had turned up well after the Judgment, pretending to have been under Sleep's influence although I knew quite well that he had been awake. Still, if he wanted to keep his involvement a secret from Sakura it was none of my business. Tomoyo's bodyguards had arrived after that and taken us all home.

_Yue_, Yukito said softly. I had retreated quite deep into him, and I surfaced slowly until I could feel him and see through his eyes. He was sitting on top of his bed, arms folded around his knees, which were tucked up to his chest. _Yue, are you there?_

_Yes,_ I said simply.

I didn't know what to say to him. I had lived inside his mind for over a year, and he didn't know anything about me. In fact, I didn't know him at all except for the handful of times I had been able to access his emotions and his conversations with others.

_I……during the Final Judgment, what you saw……_I froze. I really didn't want to discuss that. _I saw something too. _

Now that was unexpected. _What was it?_

Yukito sighed. _Clow. _

_You saw……_I stopped. There were too many appropriate endings to that sentence for me to choose one.

_I saw, _he agreed quietly. Maybe he understood some of those endings without my having to tell him. _I saw him, and you. _

I felt a stab of suspicion. _What do you know that I don't?_ I demanded.

How ironic. If anything, _he _should have been the one asking that.

Yukito smiled now, the same smile that put Touya on red alert. _That depends on what you know, doesn't it? _

_He showed you everything, didn't he? _I said, finally understanding. _All of it. My life, and yours. _

_Yes, _Yukito said, echoing me.

I hesitated for a long time before saying what had been troubling me since I had been awakened by Mizuki Kaho's bell. _Yukito, about Touya –_

_Don't worry, _he said. _I know what you dreamt when the spell had a hold of you. _

I stiffened. _That wasn't me, _I said vehemently.

_If you say so. _I felt Yukito shrug. _It doesn't matter._

_Doesn't matter? _I was shocked. _I thought you –_

_Love him? _Yukito laughed. _Yes. Yes, I do. _

Silenced. I wondered what to say to that.

_Don't worry, I'm not……jealous or anything. And I wouldn't even be angry if he……it's not like he loves me, you know. _

You're wrong, I wanted to scream. You're foolish and you're blind, I've seen him around you, felt his aura. But it wasn't the time for that confrontation, and I backed away from it.

_Thank you_, I breathed instead.

_Why? _Yukito said, sounding genuinely surprised.

_The attraction spell. I was able to get around it because of your love for Touya; and today, when I was caught in the spell, it was you who brought me out of it. _

_The bell– _

_The bell was just a catalyst, _I interrupted. _You did it. You and me. _

_Yeah, we did it. _Yukito laid his head on his arms, pensive. _Yue, what's going to happen when Sakura starts to transform the Cards?_

_Not tonight, _I said firmly. _You let me worry about that. Now go to sleep, Yukito. We can talk later. I'm tired. _I was, I really was, but I needed time to think as well. Time to sort out the mess of contradictory emotions, thoughts and goals that I had suddenly landed myself into with one simple decision. And I was in no mood to begin at that moment.

Trustingly, he nodded. _All right. Good night, Yue. _

_Good night, Yukito,_ I said formally, and retreated.

Strangely, the connection between us stayed open. Always before, when Yukito stopped concentrating, it had faded; but now I could feel him, faint, like moonlight on closed eyelids – tangible in some way that couldn't be described, light and clear, distant but comforting. It wasn't unpleasant, and I fell asleep feeling more at peace than I had in months.

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Later that night, much later, I was asleep and so was Yukito.

I felt a small, tentative tug at my magic and woke up slightly. I recognised it immediately and shot wide awake, smiling slightly after so long.

The Cards stood before me. All of the moon-ruled were there, all twenty-six of them. They hummed and glowed with magic and life – but it was not the same as before. This was our mistress' power they were filled with. Though I could not sense my own energy, I knew that the same power was sustaining me. I took a moment to breathe it in.

Dream stepped forward first. 'Yue?' she said slowly.

I knew what to say. They more than deserved to hear it, after all. 'I'm sorry. For everything I said, and did. Welcome back. All of you.' My eyes lingered on Windy and Watery as I said this. Watery smirked and nodded, but Windy's eyes filled with tears. I went over to her and brushed them away. 'Don't cry……water isn't really your element.' My eyes were burning a little, too. She sniffed and smiled.

'With time, he will grow a brain,' Watery said snidely. I rolled my eyes and then staggered as Mirror tackled me in a tight hug.

'Was that you in the spell?' I asked her. She didn't meet my eyes as she nodded.

'But if you – how did you find me?'

'Sakura's not the only non-Card person I love,' she said softly.

'Stupid,' Watery added. 'Strange as it may seem, we don't quite want to forget you.'

My eyes were really burning now.

Nothing had turned out the way I had expected, but that didn't matter anymore. I'd found my loophole; Yukito's emotions had prevented the spell Clow had cast from working, and I had a sneaking feeling that my own had been involved as well. After all, the other me, the one in the dream, he had loved Touya, hadn't he? It must be quite easy to do that, and I had a feeling I was closer than I had suspected. I didn't have to worry about caring about my mistress anymore.

As for the dying part of it, well. I would have to see about that. Right now, I looked at the Cards, returned to me after so long, and I could feel it. That hope that our mistress always spoke of. Maybe everything would be all right, even for me.

There was only one thing I had left to do.

I reached within my mind and awakened another sleeping consciousness.

_Wake up, Yukito,_ I said, echoing his own words to me.

_What's the matter, Yue? _he said, sleep-blurry.

_There's someone I want you to meet. A lot of someones, actually. _I slipped slightly into the background, allowing him to come forward and see the others waiting for him.

_Welcome to the family, Yukito._

He opened his eyes.

_**The End**_

A/N: so, final notes.

As to how I got the idea for this story – I happened to read TamChronin's Shades of Discovery and Not Human, and the idea of writing the series from the pov of two important characters who are nonetheless peripheral to the action appealed to me. I also noticed that nobody ever wrote Yue stories set before season 3; in fact, 99 of Yue stories are set post-series or at least after episode 65; or pre-series, if they focus on Clow.

With all the emphasis on strength of will and good intentions triumphing over power and power lust that CCS has, I realised that for Yue to judge Sakura based only on her actions in the FJ (a test of strength) was a little OOC for the series. So if he was awake all that time, the whole year she was capturing the Cards……what was he thinking? So it started. Making the Cards alive, making Kaho and Touya know about Yue and my take on the Yue-kito bond – kind of developed on its own and hit me on the head with a hammer in chapter 2, 5, 7 and 3 respectively, as did the Final Judgment chapter. The real challenge was writing from the point of view of a character that has no effective role to play but still making it worth the effort.

A special thanks to Peacewish's novelisations of the CCS series; they have proved to be the most necessary fact providers. Also to my reviewers. You've been great, all of you.

And on a different note, as of today, I have 1100 hits! Amazing – this makes this my most read story so far! Wooeee!

And because I can't resist: if you noticed, when Yukito heard Touya's voice in his memories, he also heard one sentence that Touya spoke to _Yue_. Also, in the FJ dream, Yue was acting exactly like Yukito would in that situation, and Yukito was acting like Yue would. Heh. And points to anyone who got the reference in the chapter title - it's not too tough. Sequel? Hmmm. I might take a while to get back on that, although I have had requests.

Aahhh, enough rambling.

Thank you all for reading this (especially this too-long note)

Niru


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